5 years complicated relationship :(

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  one ANGRY elf 5 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #6983

    Amz22
    Participant

    Hi everyone! Iv just joined this forum basically been in a complicated relationship for the last 5 years and was looking for some advice.
    So I live in london Iv almost lived here all my life but I go back home to my country every year to see my dad. That’s where I met him when I was there for holidays. I was 18 when I met him, we started as friends and before we knew we were in love we got along soo well it was like perfect
    I wud see him whenever I was there but we never thought how this was gonna work for us in d future. After about a year or more, I started to think about all this. And I decided to talk to him about what we’re gonna do in the future becs we both live in different countries. Back then he didn’t take me seriously I spoke to him a few times and from how he answered, I realised he expected me to move there with him if we were to have a future together. I still kept things as they were but slowly I started to realise he expected me to make compromises. All my family lives here in the UK n I didn’t think its sensible to move away from everyone and to a totally new place when I’m used to the lifestyle here. So after abt 2 years I told him I can’t carry on like this and I basically tried to end it. I cut down talkin to him and we weren’t talking like before. We wud just talk generally. for a year we were in no contact at all. Last year I ended up texting him again I couldn’t stop myself. He wasn’t the same he was abit harsh to me, he was bitter and was quite different to the man I once knew. But I didn’t stop talking to him I just couldn’t help. Finally by the start of this year, we were talking just like we used to before and we still do. We wished each other on valentines without thinking abt anything. I tried a few times again I asked him if he would move here but he said no he asked me a couple of times too if I would move there but I refused too. We ended up in arguments a few times because if this. Now we both know we haven’t got a future together but we still keep on going the way we are hoping one of us would change their mind. I know it sounds stupid but its so hard iv tried so much to end it I just couldn’t do it. People have told me to try and let go and just be friends but I can’t do it I just don’t think I can let go of my feelings. I can’t imagine being with someone else either. Sorry this is gone too long. I would greatly appreciate any advice u amazing people have for me :). Thanks! P.S I’m having sleep problems becs I feel depressed becs of all this 🙁

    #48701

    one ANGRY elf
    Participant

    I know how you feel in a sense. I lived in the same hometown as my ex girlfriend of 4 years does. I had moved about an hour and a half away to pursue a career, and we managed to work that out, but eventually started thinking about who was going to do the move. I loved it there and she didn’t want to leave her family. I couldn’t make her do that, so if I wanted it to work, I needed to man up and move. I’m glad I did for other reasons, but the main reason was for her. However, that didn’t last long and we ended up breaking up 3 weeks after I had moved back. Long story short, if you like where you live and you know for a fact you couldn’t transition, don’t move for love. There are too many other factors that you aren’t thinking of that will come into play after you have moved. Regrets and resentments will ruin your relationship unless you both wanted the move to happen. Your career, lifestyle, and self preservation should come first before anybody else no matter how much you claim or say you love someone. Read my post if you want to know my whole story. Just be glad you didn’t make the move yet like I did.

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