January 6 at 10:11 pm #6467
I have apologized & written a form letter to send out to ALL. What I wrote:
Here is a sample of the Photos I took the liberty of cropping them
down & resizing them. You asked me what I want: what I did want is
irrelevant. You need to see a psychiatrist and figure out why you
have a compulsion to, be as you called yourself “a horn-dog”, lie,
lead people on and do the dishonest, unethical and iniquitous
thingsyou do and have done to me, your relatives and others. I feel
sorry for who ever you’re lying to and leading on now, poor thing
like me has yet to figure out what kind of person you really are.
You said you think your friend material, you are not friend
material; FRIENDS don’t do to friends what you did to me. You
repeatedly, crossed boundaries that respectful and honorable men
simply don’t cross. You show no regret. Instead you come off as
condescending and as usual for you, accuse those you hurt of
over-sensitivity. “It wasn’t my intention”; I’m calling you to the
carpet, for such a non-apology apology, the usage of such words are
about the most inauthentic gesture a person can display and not a
sign of personal accountability.
Actions more loudly than words really do show true intentions & I
have seen yours. (NOTE: PICTURES)
I never saw us as being in a Competition, game playing is your
thing too bad that is how you choose to conduct yourself. People’s
lives are not a baseball games and the adult world is not a baseball
diamond, if it was then you’d have ran out of strikes years ago.
In case so worried about it, I’m not going to waste my energy, call
your mom on the phone and tell her you got a Medical Marijuana card
and had made a deal to grow pot on your friend’s property in
California; that is something you should have done yourself if you
have not done so already, they’re your family, I’m sure they love
you and if you had discussed it with them, would have understood.
Besides, I’m too busy counting my-self lucky that this time around,
you didn’t KNOCK ME UP like you did 20 years ago. You’re saying that
the past is the past, not to bring it up any more etc… Funny how
that line is ok for others but not for you and what you did. YOU
shouldered me with a 100% of a hard choice; try to carry a dangerous
pregnancy to term or pay for an equally difficult medical procedure.
DID YOU drive me to Portland? NO, my sister & a total stranger did.
DID you help pay for ½ the cost? NO, I paid for all of it.
Afterwards, did you stop by to see how I was doing? NO, you didn’t.
Instead you were out sleeping around with other women who were being
sold the same pack of lies you were telling me. Only difference is
this time around because of you I’ve spent over $1400 on getting tested or HIV/STDs.Excuse me if you were budgeting for level 5 hurt instead of level
10, but a 10+ is what you created.
I went in with a fresh start in mind, left the past behind. You
didn’t value that, you didn’t value ‘US’ and brought the past into
the present when you did the same thing you did 20 years ago. SO
much for my allowing my-self to believe you were no longer the
“Player” you have shown me you still are. According to you I’m just
supposed to “grow up get over it”/excuse what you did, just forgive
you and be your friend. BEEN THERE DONE THAT ALREADY. Forgiveness is
a choice, one that is supposed to benefit the forgiver ‘forgive and
forget’ I refuse to let myself forget what type of person you really
are this time. I can not forgive you or try to be your friend when
your ACTIONS have proved to me you’re more akin to an unscrupulous adversary, NOT a friend.
I am a GROWN UP: LIKE A GROWN UP I forgave you more than once and
was prepared to do whatever it took to make things work. I tried to
have a grown up relationship with you, you didn’t appreciate that
and instead you chose to be weak, lazy & acted like a horn-dog.
Despite your words to the contrary, you had a choice, you chose to
engage in actions that caused sabotage. You chose to maintain
unhealthy, egocentric & destructive priorities. I was open to
communication & tried to communicate with you. Hum I got shafted
doing all the work YOU WERE PRIORITY NUMER ONE, I WAS THERE FOR
YOU!! Where were you? Oh that’s right, you were betraying my trust
& no where to be found because, you were too busy being dishonest,
selfish and screwing around with other women, lying to them and
giving them the same BS you gave me and give every unsuspecting woman that comes your way.
JEFF due to YOUR OWN WORDS AND ACTIONS YOU have proven to me that
you think giving yourself permission slips, using excuses and
rationalizations to validate dishonest, unethical and immoral
behavior is acceptable? Sure, after I called you on it, you did
admit that what you did to me (US) was wrong and provided the kind
of non-apology that politicians use when they get caught in a
scandal. I DO NOT and have never claimed to be perfect. I should not
have yelled there is no excuse for that unless I take a page from
your book of excuses. I should have never let myself trust you and
when I first found out that you were acting like a cad I should have
just quietly kicked you to the curb and left you there. I let myself
believe you previous ‘apologies’ but after talking to the
professionals in my employ I realize now that your apologies were just a charade.
FYI: Your ‘it wasn’t intentional’ excuse is just as bad as an “if”
apology. By invoking it, that suggests that you believe you should
never be held accountable for the things you do/did because you may
not have intended to do them. The fact is intention doesn’t mean
much in the scheme of things. You tell me it wasn’t your intention
to do me wrong and hurt me that you didn’t mean to. You acted
selfishly, without accountability or responsibility and for you to
imagine I would not to get hurt is quite frankly deluded. YOU KNEW
what you were doing when you did it, you knew it would hurt me, you
chose to do it anyway. Wasn’t “intentional” as per conventional
wisdom it’s just another way people like you, use to attempt to
squirm out of personal accountability; hiding behind intention.
Intention is just a pretty word; one that has paved countless roads to hell.
Ultimately it’s not what a person intends, it’s what they actually
do that matters. If the actions aren’t there, the purpose wasn’t
there, which means the intentions weren’t there either. The fact
that you did what you did knowing what would happen says you
considered the outcome and were willing to accept the situation you
were creating and the consequences that came with it. A hunter
mistakes a person for a wild animal in thick brush. He shoots, he
kills that person. Of course, that wasn’t his intention, but
someone is still dead. A woman scrapes a stranger’s car while
driving hers down a narrow street. That wasn’t her intention, yet she’s still left a car damaged.
I ask, should I hold you, or anyone else for that matter,
accountable for what was intended, or what was actually done? I can
assure you, if you step in dog poop, you’ll clean your shoe; whether
you intended to step in it or not.
In a very passive aggressive way, you’re attempting to shit the
responsibility of the situation back on to anyone other than
yourself, as if the burden of proof hasn’t been met.
Your saying “if I did that, I’m sorry,” instead of “I did that, and
I’m sorry for it.” The last time we spoke you used the cliché “you
always hurt the ones you love the most” YOU DON’T LOVE ME IF YOU
LOVED ME YOU WOULD NOT HAVE DONE WHAT YOU DID. You wanted to know how to make it right I told you but, you’ve already shown me you
don’t love me or have what it takes to make it right, by your
unwillingness to even get a book of stamps, envelopes and card stock
or paper and make little note sized cards like the ones I made for
you. You just keep demonstrating your true-self and true intentions.
IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME, as you say you do then WHAT I INITIALLY
ASKED OF YOU WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SO DIFFICULT, YET, there in lies
part of the problem. As is normal for you, you offer meaningless
words backed by action/inactions that demonstrate your duplicitous
self & aversion to doing what decent and honorable man would do.
You said I have the wrong idea about you. I think not, you really
are the scoundrel, your deeds have proved to me you are. Your words
are LIES; your apologies are lip service & just part of the depraved games you like to play.
Other than helping myself think things through, I’m not sure why
I’m bothering to waste my breath and valuable voice recognition
software and time fighting with this PC for the blind, replying to
your email (I doubt as is typical of you, you bothered to even read
any of this) I’ve already ate crow and sent Jake an apology letter
via his attorney because, he was right about you all along. I’m sure
he was thrilled about your proving him right by your being the
“bleep-it-y bleep” he said you were. Was he right about the other
things he said about you? In view of that fact that you firmly
believe you did nothing wrong when you had with a minor, maybe he was.
Perhaps my affluent friends are right, I’m probably better off
hanging around with other people in the higher tax brackets & those
who share similar educational levels. So what if a good number of
them exploit their workers and/or the environment for a fast buck;
at least their loyal to those who can afford to buy the kinds of
things they buy. ‘Fool me once shame on me. Fool me twice shame on
you.’ I’m not going to give you the chance to fool me thrice.
Take me off all your lists & NEVER contact me again because, your
actions have demonstrated that you need some extensive psychiatric
intervention, to ever reach your full potential and learn how to be
a decent, honest & caring human being.
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