November 3 at 3:20 am #6570
waybuenoParticipantSo my boyfriend and I got into a argument today over a previous issue. A couple days ago we were trying to figure out something to do so suggested lets go to the beach. He liked the idea and asked me to wear short shorts for him and made me promise him I would. The he said lets invite my brother and his lady. And I had no problem with this but because they were coming I didnt want to wear short shorts but instead wear normal length shorts. He got upset and said nevermind I dont want to go anymore. SO I said okay and left it at that.
Tonight it got brought up again because I ‘broke’ my promise to wear them to him and it was upsetting that I didnt want to wear short shorts infront of anyone but him because only his opinion matters, and his argument was that it shouldnt matter what others think, only what he thinks and I should be able to do that for him. I understand this but at the same time i’ve never really worn shorts throughout my life till I got with him because he likes me in shorts, im still not fully comfortable with the idea and thats why I was trying to compromise and say well ill wear normal length shorts.
But he still wasnt happy with this, and when I asked do you even care how I feel about it, he said I was trying to guilt trip him. So I tried comparing it to another situation of ours, I asked him to send me a picture of himself without his shirt on, just for my eyes only and he wasnt comfortable with this, and he said he’d rather not and instead would send me a picture with him in his tank top and I was okay with this, a little disappointed but if it made him uncomfortable I wasnt going to force him to do it.
And when I told him that then he said I was trying to manipulate him and said ” Its like I can make you feel good but not good enough”…..isnt that trying to guilt trip right there? And also another thing when i brought up the topless photo of him and how I was willing to compromise he said then why dont you send me a topless picture? But I dont see how thats part of the argument at all and he is failing to see or is ignoring my point.
So suggestions, your opinions, anything would be appreciated, please tell me if im in the wrong, or if he is in the wrong, or both and tell me why you think so. I might have him read the replies. Thank You.
We’ve been together almost 6 months and are both in our early 20’s.November 22 at 12:34 pm #48531
He sounds controlling and lacking in self-esteem by projecting an unrelated issue onto his worth to you. I have done it at times to my girlfrien, well possibly soon to be ex girlfriend.
I dont think you are in the wrong. Yes you promised but the plan changed and you no longer felt comfortable. He should respect that. Sure hes allowe voice his disappointment but he’s going beyond that and it’s controlling and a bit of a red light to take note of in the relationship.November 26 at 11:35 am #48532
it is one thing to ask someone to do or wear something you are not 100% comfortable with for the enjoyment of your partner. its is another thing to ask someone to do the same thing in public, and especially in front of family members. Its a different situation.
Maybe you should have told him you weren’t going to wear the shorts, but I think he is overreacting a little.December 3 at 9:10 pm #48530
He is the one that is control, and manipulative. He hold meaningless bull s hit against you. It’s petty and immature. He is abusive. You deserve someone who respects you and doesn’t beat you down like that…he is an a sshole…..dump his sorry ass.December 3 at 9:11 pm #48533
No, you absolutely are not in the wrong.
In fact, your boyfriend may be borderline emotionally abusive. Why do I say this?
The first red flag that appeared was that he denied your trip to the beach only because you didn’t feel comfortable wearing shorts in front of others. He’s punishing you for not following his orders. It’s one thing to be playful and flirt with you and ask you to wear shorts. It’s another to deny an outing out because you state you don’t feel comfortable wearing something. I mean, you even compromised by wearing normal length shorts. This is major no bueno.
Second red flag: “and his argument was that it shouldnt matter what others think, only what he thinks and I should be able to do that for him.” This shows he doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s only taking his into consideration. Insecurity can be hard to date, and it’s possible he may see your unwillingness to wear short-shorts for him in front of others as an insecurity. I personally don’t agree with that perspective. It’s one thing to be insecure about who you are. It’s another thing entirely to be uncomfortable wearing short-shorts in public (I don’t!). Someone should never make you feel bad for not wearing or doing something you are not comfortable with.
Third red flag: He’s telling you you are guilt tripping him and manipulating him. HELLO? That’s exactly what he was doing to you! He made you promise to do something you don’t like doing, then when you stood up for your boundaries, he denied a day of fun at the beach. And when you made your case about how you can compromise and understand his comfort levels with the photo thing, instead of acknowledging the point you were making, he threw it back in your face of “why don’t you send me a topless photo then?” Sorry if I’m becoming harsh, but that shows a HUGE level of immaturity and an inability to deal with conflict on his part.
Waybueno, these are some serious red flags to take into consideration. This is more than just an argument gone wrong.December 21 at 8:14 pm #48534
sorry waybueno but it does sound like he wants to control you a little, your are not in the wrong. sounds like he’s just being an idiot because your not doing as told! hope you are ok x
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