November 23 at 2:46 am #6872
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under 2 years, and recently things have been different. We are in a “long distance” relationship, being about an hour apart, and working in 2 different cities/states. We met before I moved and said that we would keep the relationship going, and for the first more than a year after moving things were great. We have often talked of marriage, and after a little suggestive talk on my behalf, went to look at engagement rings in April. Although I did find one that I really liked, I made it clear to him that he did not need to buy it. He did. It was on sale, and I really liked it, so he bought it.
Now it’s, 7 months later, and that ring is still no where to be seen. He has told me that he would propose by the end of the year, but that won’t be happening. I asked recently if he would be proposing before New Years, and he said most likely not. He said he doesn’t feel ready. He tells me that he loves me, and he wants to marry me some day, but that he is in no rush to get married. He keeps telling me that he’s tired of the distance (he has been in 2 very long distance relationships in the past). I have told him that once he proposes I will start looking for jobs back up near where he lives, but that I am not going to move up there with no certainty of the future between us. I think that this is a valid and rationale decision on my behalf.
He also keeps telling me that he feels like he wants to do things on his own recently. I’ve asked him to explain, but he can’t really. He said he never gets to see his friends, and he wants to do things alone. I don’t keep him from his friends at all. Most of them have moved away from their hometown, and it would be more involved than a phone call to meet up for dinner and drinks after work. We do see each other every weekend (with the exception of 4 weekends in 2 years), but I’m not opposed to doing our own things if that is what the plans are.
I’m just really not sure what is going on or what to do. We have been bickering more as of late, and I feel much more on edge about things. We have plans through the holidays this year, and he even said today on the phone, that with this being the holidays it’s a horrible time for him to be feeling like this. I fear that in some ways, he is going to get through the holidays, then leave me, so as to not ruin everyone’s holiday.
Would he have really bought the ring if he didn’t want to marry me? That seems like a LOT of money to waste on a not sure thing. I would like to be married, and might be pushing it, but I’m not in a huge rush. I think I want the security of knowing that I will be marrying him, as opposed to getting married right away. But that is a long way off, as it seems like there are a lot of things that need to be fixed first.
I can guarantee that he is not seeing anyone else. So that is not an acceptable explanation for this behavior. If anyone has any insight for me I would appreciate your input.
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