October 29 at 7:55 am #49054
I am now in my first serious long-term relationship (LDR). I like (maybe even love) the girl, talk to her every day, generally feel happy around her, and so on, but something just doesn’t feel right. I can’t really put my finger on it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I had a great non-distance relationship before her. We both loved each other, but due to serious problems out of both of our control, we had no choice but to split.
Only about a month later I started dating my new girlfriend, and things just don’t feel the same. Both relationships lasted the same amount of time, yet I felt much closer to my ex than to my current gf. Like, for example, when asked about my relationship status, I’d say I’m proudly in a relationship. With my current girl, it depends on who asks. For some people (those who don’t know my ex usually, or those I will introduce my girl to when she comes here next time), I say I’m in a relationship. For some others, I say it’s complicated. And for some others (usually pretty girls) I sometimes even say I’m single or say something like “I have many girlfriends” (although usually I just try to avoid the subject until I figure out if they are interested or not, and if they aren’t interested, I say it’s complicated).
Also, with my ex, I was very honest with the relationship, and even told a girl I knew was interested in me not to call me anymore because I was taken. With my current gf though, I’m always sort of looking for other girls, both serious and one-nighters, and I have cheated on her twice so far (three times if kissing counts, and many more if going on dates or text message flirting counts). The first time I cheated I felt fine, and even bragged about it a little, but the second time I felt really guilty and I really regret it. For this reason, I wonder if I truly love her, despite everything else. Also, the girl I’m with now has a rough past, and she’s much younger than me. Part of me likes that, saying I’ll never get a girl this young ever again, but the other part is bothered by how immaturate and clingy she can be, both in person and otherwise.
The distance really sucks though. Yet, the month or so we have spent together in total so far has had some of the best days of my life. However, when we are apart, I just can’t help myself from flirting and seeing other girls. I just need that kind of affection, and Skype calls don’t really fulfil the same need that physical contact does. I was trying to keep it just to dates with nothing beyond flirting and a little touching or cuddling, but one girl just threw herself at me and I couldn’t resist (that was the second time I cheated).
So really, I’m trying to figure out WHY I don’t feel the same about my current girl as I did about my ex. Is it because I dated her too soon? Is it because of the distance and everything will be okay once we are permanently together, or are we incompatible?
I really need to decide whether to leave her, continue cheating and suffer from the guilt and risk of being caught, ask for an open relationship (she loves me, so she will probably break up with me in that case), or try to be 100% serious with her in the future (even though I don’t think I could ever tell her about the cheating, except maybe many years from now). If anyone has any advice or has been through a similar situation, please let me know what you think I should do. Thank you.
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