Close Family vs. Independent Family Forums Couples Close Family vs. Independent Family

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    Hello all 🙂

    This is my first time posting in a forum, but I really would just like to vent and get some clarity…

    I love my boyfriend very much, and he is amazing. We have been dating for almost two years now, after a respectful and cautious 8 or 9 months of just casual conversation. I am five years older (26). Despite our ages, we are both dedicated and ambitious young professionals very much about our future successes.

    One major cause of friction between us always seems to boil down to his family. He has a loving family (mom, dad, 2 younger brothers, and one sis). They are literally a year or two apart going down the line. His family is very close, very generous, and totally sweet. When we first started dating he lived at home, although he was closing in on 21 at the time. About 7 or 8 months into our relationship he moved into my apartment and we have done well since. The distance at that point from his family was about a 20 min drive. There were times we would spend a week there and a week home, as our jobs are relatively close. His family has since moved barely five minutes away from my apartment and since they feel a wedding is imminent and definite (lol) are always suggesting we find a house in their neighborhood.

    It has become an unwritten rule that we spend Sundays with them. My family pretty much comes down to mom and me, and we live several states apart. This is totally comfortable for us, and we have always had a great relationship. As an only child growing up in a single parent home, I came into my independence rapidly and confidently and my mother praises me for the woman I have become. I consider Sundays with his family a nice idea. However…my boyfriend is growing impatient with me not dropping by to see his family, or call during the week, or visiting more during the week. I value my alone time. I enjoy my job, but it is exhausting. He is a manager and works long days as well. All I really want to do after work is relax with him and our dogs and occasionally go out. He often goes to play basketball with his brothers which I am totally okay with. My logic is that he sees his family all the time, but they are HIS family and that is okay. They are not mine, and I am good with Sundays, for the most part. Is this mean?

    His sister is about 7 years younger than me and, while she is a sweet girl, she is into fashion and her boyfriend, while I am more concerned with financial stability and upward mobility. I rarely keep long conversations with her or her brothers, who are very much into video games. Again, they are such a sweet family, and I wouldn’t say anything to tarnish their name…I just feel that my boyfriend isn’t being fair just because I grew up differently doesn’t mean I don’t love him or like his family.

    How do I embrace my independence while still showing my boyfriend and his family I care about them? Am I being unreasonable…or is he? Any advice is very much welcome!

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