confused and so messed up Forums General Chat confused and so messed up

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  bibagurl 5 years, 8 months ago.

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    Hello, I am a 43 year old man, never been married and have no children. Me and my ex girlfriend who was together for 4 years and is 14 years younger than me split up about 6 months ago. We are still good friends. I have since met a new girl who is lovely, sweet and I am extremely attracted to her and she is me and when ever I see her I want her so bad. However for some reason I keep pushing her away and I dont know why. She is also alot younger than me (27) so it might be that but I am a very young looking acting 43. She is also a lodger of someone I know, not a close friend but we and a few other go out alot and I am scared of messing that up. She is also a bit clingy in public which does both me a bit. And when I have her something does not feel right which could mean that going into a relationship with her is not right but I am scared thats its because of me, i.e im just a messed up idiot and she is infact the one or do I want her because I am in lust or infatuated by her or that I just want to be in any relationship again.

    She has been through a bad abusive relationship her self and I so dont want to hurt her or mess her around because I care about her so much but also dont think I want to loose her as when I push her away I then kick my self and think ive made a terrible mistake.

    Anyone else gone/going through this or have any advice because I am so messed up and confused and its making me ill.

    Thanks in advance for any replies,



    You seem to be saying quite a few things here… you’ve only recently broken up from a long-term relationship… you’ve met someone that you’re interested in… you have a bunch off friends whose company you value… You also seem to be saying that you can ONLY have one thing – and then everything else disappears. Why does it have to be all or nothing? If these guys are really your friends then they’ll still be there no matter what – or would you rather hang out with them than the new girl? You say that you really like this girl but she’s so fragile that you don’t want to end up hurting her – almost as if you’re setting out to do that very thing…
    What exactly is it that you want – really think long and hard about that. Do you want another serious relationship? Do you want to be one of the boys and enjoy your freedom for a bit after just having been in a serious relationship? Have you asked her what *she* wants? I think that maybe you’re making yourself confused and imagining the worst case scenarios, rather than seeing what you do have and taking things as they come. Relax!
    Hope this helps a bit.



    When you say that you have her, it sounds like you’re already having . Did I read that right?

    As long as you’re both open and honest with your feelings, then what’s the harm in moving forward slowly? Just always be open with your feelings so she knows where your head is at and have her be honest with you.

    Just take it slow and proceed with eyes open.

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