November 25 at 3:02 am #6702
Okay, so I will do my best to lay this out in correct order from beginning to present as I am curious what everyone on this forum has to say about the issue.
Back in June I started talking to a woman who frequented my job. Very pretty, very nice but at the time separated from her husband of four years. At the time we started talking she had asked him to move out about eight months prior and was dead set in her mind on getting divorced only she hadn’t yet really begun the legal process for making it happen.
Before I go any further it is essential that I describe her. She’s about 5’5, blond hair, blue eyes and of Irish descent. Really a VERY pretty girl. She is also a mild hypochondriac, a compulsive worrier and a business owner. She exhibits some OCD tendencies but nothing that is of yet unmanageable from my perspective. Oh, and she can have a temper.
Anyway, I digress. We started hanging out very often very quickly. In the beginning she was reluctant to put a label on our relationship because of the technical existence of her marriage but in reality we became a couple very quickly. We were sleeping together within a week and from the day we started hanging out we spent virtually every evening together for the following three months. We certainly had fun and it wasn’t just the . I got her interested in playing golf, she loaned me Guitar Hero for the xbox and we both found a mutual interest in chess and other board games and some television shows as well. She became more comfortable with labeling the relationship and regarding herself as my girlfriend. I introduced her to my family and she very quickly fit right in with everyone and declared a while ago that she felt more at ease and part of the family with mine than she ever had with her soon to be ex-husband’s.
However, to this day I have yet to meet one single living member of her family. She took me to see her father’s grave which for her was apparently a big step but so far I’ve not met any family or friends. Her reasons for this were always very up front and seemingly logical. She was very worried that she would be judged for starting to date before finalizing her divorce. There was also the matter of certain immediate family members chastising her for a teenage habit of falling in and out of love fast. I have been fine with this so far.
Everything was absolutely fine with us until about a month ago when something terrible happened. Not as terrible as it could have been but terrible enough. While crossing the main street of the town her business is in an old lady ran a red light and hit her with her car. She was banged up pretty good but suffered no broken bones or otherwise serious injury and was never off her feet, just in a lot of pain ever since. She’s been doing physical therapy and is recovering but ever since she has been hopelessly preoccupied with what happened to the point that is has begun to make her depressed and has changed her behavior.
To add fuel to the fire, right before getting hit by the car was when she finally went to the lawyer and began the process of getting officially divorced. So in the weeks following her accident she was meeting with the lawyer, signing papers, getting her ex served and watching him take stuff out of the apartment they once shared. Which made her more depressed and changed her behavior further. All throughout our relationship she told me she believed the ending of the marriage was her fault, that she failed as a wife and that she gave up or didn’t try hard enough. Without giving every last detail, just by going what she told me this is not the case. The guy was an absolutely classless, white trash degenerate who was never going to amount to anything in life and didn’t know the first thing about emotionally supporting her or any woman for that matter. But her being her, she blames herself.
To further add even more fuel to that fire as all this was going on the busy season of her business kicked off. She owns a gift shop and Christmas is her biggest time of year. Tons of work needs to be done in her store that in years past she was able to physically handle. Unfortunately not now. So, there’s the mental stress of being hit by a car, the physical pain of being hit by a car, the mental anguish of watching her divorce become official and the stress of running a store all by herself that overnight went from making a few hundred dollars a day to thousands of dollars a day. Roll all this together and she has changed a lot.
Now I’m not asking if I should break up with her. I’m not asking if she’s crazy because she’s not crazy, she’s just very stressed out and becoming depressed as a result of it. She feels like her life is spinning out of control and she doesn’t know how to handle it. She was always a bit of a crier but now with all this on her mind she’s finding herself breaking out in hysterical fits of tears multiple times a day for either small reasons or no reasons at all. And as I have come to find my presence as a full time boyfriend was not helping and only making it worse. She asked that the relationship be “low intensity” because she was not sure if she could really handle being a full time girlfriend right now.
With all that said she still loves me and wants to be with me as I do with her. Just more so on her own terms than before. What I have come here to ask is this: how do I honor and follow her request of “low intensity”? How do I keep her in my life without overstepping any boundaries? I am as supportive as I know how to be and she recognizes this and appreciates it but at the same time I don’t want to do too much and push her away. So I’m being cautious, letting her have her space and constantly encouraging her. However after all this I would love to hear what all you good folks have to say.
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