January 4 at 4:41 pm #6548
Hello guys! I am very happy to finally be able to post . I hope that someone out there can help guide me.. I will try to keep my story short and not boring. I do tend to rattle on and on because I love to write.. Anyways here it goes….
I am a 24 year old female that is complelety in love with a 47 year old married man. Before you cuss me out about him being married, he isn’t happy with her and she is having an affair behind his back as well.. Two wrongs don’t make a write I know, but please keep listening… So there is a 23 year gap between us. I am finding it very hard to read him. I am not sure if the age gap has anything to do with it or not. Here is what I don’t get..
We have known eachother for 3 months now. At first we were just friends with benefits. Meaning just LOL. About 2 weeks into it he said he couldn’t do the benefits part anymore because he felt really bad the next day when he had to go home to his wife. He is a very respectful man. So we went back to being just friends. About a month into it I was falling for him. We were seeing eachother a lot and one night we had again.. I ask him what changed his mind. He said because I wanted to feel “one” with you again. 😕 From then on we have had a ual relationship again. So me thinking that all he wants his from me… But 2 months into things have changed. Drastically! We see eachother at least once a week if not more and its usually an over night thing, but we don’t always have … What confuses me is some of the stuff he says. For example, I had asked him if him & her rent or own their house. He said we rent and asked me. I said I rent and told him that I didn’t want to buy because I didn’t want to live here for the rest of my life. He said cool I know where you will be living. I said really. He said yea either Chicago (hes from chicago) or California. I said whys that. He said becuse I’ll be in Chicago or California.. I just smiled. So theres that, than he will say stuff like WE should get a house by the beach in Cali.. He uses US and WE a lot. He says he loves everything about me, but when I asked a few weeks ago if he loved me he said as a friend yes. So I asked if there was anything more than just a friend. He said yes there is something there. So I left it alone. He has told me a lot of personal things and he even says that he has opened up to me more than he ever has to anyone else including his wife. We have great conversations and they go on and on without hesitation. He tells me that he wants to take it slow. I am good with that. I really am. But this last week I sat him down and said look I really need to know what that something else is. He said its on the verge of love. That he likes me a lot, but wants to take it slow. Than on friday we had our new years together early and at dinner he was on the phone with his best friend and he just flue out with I am at dinner with my girlfriend.. No hesitation or anything. He wasnt drunk either. I asked him the next day about if he ment it or not and he back peddled and said no that it just came out wrong.. What!?!.. I asked him if he loves his wife. He said yes he loves her, but isn’t in love with her. I asked him if he felt the same about her when he did when he first met her and without hesitation he said absolutely not!
So what I am thinking is that becuase he is still married he is scared to feel the love feelings for me. OR maybe I am completely wrong.. Will someone please help me! What do you think? Or how would you feel if I was you? Would you feel he really does love you and just give him time or would you move on and just be friends?
Aslo if there is someone out there that is in a huge gap relationship if we could exchange e-mail addys and talk that would be wonderful. I have so many questions.
Thank you guys so much for reading my post!January 6 at 1:35 am #48513
Wow, as romantic as this sounds be careful. This is real life with real consequences. Know that you are potentially breaking up a marriage and know that Karma spares no one. Having said that if you think this is real and that there is no way you can live without him- give him an ultimatum. He needs to chose. He can’t have his cake and eat it too and I’m sure your self-worth will begin to dwindle away if you are forced to share him with HIS WIFE for the rest of your life. If its real than it will work out and he will see that he can’t live without you either. If he decides that he can’t divorce her than he is a coward and he did you a favor. If you are a woman than you need a man not a coward. You choose what you’re worth. And if you think you’re only worth half of a man’s time than that is what you choose for yourself. Have the willpower to stand up for what you love, including your self and your dignity and he will see that you really are the better match for him. If not, then you did yourself a favor in the longrun. The heartbreak and letdown from that will be enough to help you forget him and move on. Good luck!January 6 at 10:19 pm #48514
No he does not love you, he is using you. In my 20s I had a GFriend (28) who only dated married Men, she finally snagged a 50 year-old, had two cute kids then found out he was cheating on her with a 19 yr old. IF he is still married & seeing you then HE IS cheating on his wife& will cheat on you too. I’m not happy my wife is a B___tch is the oldest line in the book. Dump him like a hot potato, don’t look back. Try volunteering for an organization you love to ease the pain of the breakup you are young enough to find a nice unattached guy of any age who you can read & trust.January 9 at 10:23 pm #48515
He could possibly love you. However, he doesn’t love you enough to leave his wife, it seems. That means he is more committed to her.
Adulterous relationships are always a bad thing because that is an insight to the negative characteristics of the married person. They do not believe in committment and monogamy. Perhaps you were drawn to him because the local prospects for men is small. I’ve been in a similar situation. I was stuck in a one-horse town and had an emotional affair with a married woman because the number of attractive single women were slim. In the end, it broke off because we couldn’t make any kind of committment.
Even if he loves you, it’s best to break off this relationship.February 1 at 7:58 pm #48512
Your relationship will not work out in the long term as the gap in age will always cause problems. You’re both at different stages in your lives.
And I know that me saying that will make you more defiant and that you’ll feel that I’m wrong and you’ll show me.
But rememebr this. When you are together, things aren’t working out and you wind up breaking up, think back to what I just said and knew that you were warned.
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