February 12 at 3:42 am #6632
Hello all! This post may be a bit long so i’ll divide it into paragraphs and points.
I met this girl Feb last year and we hit it off quite well (we are both 21). We started falling for each other and soon enough we started dating (after 2 months). I was her first boyfriend she was my second girlfriend. She’s Christian and I am not but were were open. She is a very reserved and quite person, I though am reserved as well but not as much as her. She seemed very nice and caring and sensitive. We went to the same uni and had the same classes and had the same group of friends.
We started going out late april.
2 weeks into the relationship she showed signs of insecurity and trust issues.
Though I did not have a long term thing in mind but at that time I only loved her and wanted to be with her. She at that time really loved me a lot.
We had exams in june and my timetable was awful, I pretty much spent most of my time studying though I gave plenty of time and love to her and put her first at times (eg, dropping her home each night, making an effort to spend time each day).
However during exam time (June) I noticed she started drifting away. After exams I confronted her, she told me she developed feelings for another guy (he also does the same course and goes to her church and was in the same team with her for a project) and the fact that I wasn’t of the same faith did not help. She broke up leaving me devastated.
I tried to get her back but it pushed her away, she cried initially and said we could be in an open relationship but went cold after. I gave up on her went on my own stuff. When I asked why she liked him, she told me that the other guy was a good person because he went to chruch and tried to improve himself.
She never really broke contact with me, she talked to me once a week but after that she never replied to me or talked to me for the rest of the week. I was civil with her at least tried to be. When in a group, she used to sit next to me but she sometimes ignored me publicly. But she told me that she wasn’t going for the other guy and that she thought she didn’t like him.
In later months she started spending more and more time with the other guy (they weren’t dating). They saw each other everyday (due to project work, chruch etc).
In August, I made friends with the other guy and started ignoring her and not responding to her chats. She later broke down in front of me and cried and I stupidly comforted her and told her that we shud be together and pushed her a little.
Then she went cold again. We had a fight later that week and we didn’t talk to each other for a month.
After that we slowly and gradually started to come back together (mostly cause I told her either work it out with me together or not talk to me at all). By october we were together again and in front of the other guy we used to hold hands, kiss etc.
Everything was great during November. Just like previous times and she told me that the other guy was sidelined (they remained in touch though but didn’t bother me).
In dec, I had to spend an extra sem at uni and due to some family problems was going thru some depression. She started drifting a little. I confronted her with this and she said she still had feelings for the other guy. I told her to break it off, but she said she didn’t want to leave me. I told her she liked him cause he had money and was christian (insultd her) and told her to get away. I also forced her a little into making decisions etc, she wanted space but i told her its either space or breaking up. Later in the day she asked me if we were still together, to which I replied yes.
I found out that her chruch was trying to tell her to end the relationship but she rejected their opinions. During christmas, she went to visit her relatives and I went to visit mine. However I got insecure and forced her into choosing but she didn’t really answer but said she didn’t want to break up with me.
Anyway, on christmas day I emailed her apologising for treating her badly earlier that month and being insecure and said I was willing to be with her, love her and work together with her. She didn’t respond to my email and said nothing later on.
However I could feel that she was again drifting and not communicating well. When we met face to face in Jan, things were fine but there it was something lacking and my gut told me she was being fake. And everything I said she made fun off and made fun off me (for example I said I wanted to buy a telescope, she called me weird and my dress style was bad). Also my best friend was leaving country for good, I was really depressed and went to her she told me its as if I was in love with him.
When i was at her place, I asked her for her laptop. She didn’t let me enter her room upstairs. I went up to see what was going on and peeked into her room to see she was deleting history (of stalking the other guy on facebook).I told her this and demanded she show me her chat history. She and the other guy (who was out of town) didn’t talk much but she got really angry and broke up with me saying that she had feelings for him and it was an effort talking to me and she also said she thinks the other guy is flirting with her but didn’t tell me how. She said she didn’t know but maybe wanted to be with him. We then had a heated discussion and I then apologized for violating her privacy and we hugged and I left her.
Later that night I felt bad for her and called her up but that resulted in an argument and i didn’t intentionally made her try to feel guilty but she called me a manipulative and repulsive, I told her I had feelings and I was a human being and she was selfish. She said give me she needed space and time to think. To which I agreed but said good riddance to her.
Its been 3 weeks and I only talked to her once just to get my stuff from her place. I also agreed to be her friend but that was so to reduce the awkwardness between us if we met. I know for a fact that she’s trying to talk to the other guy (that’s what she did previously) but it doesn’t bother me. I am living my life and minding my own business and spending more time with family.
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