December 28 at 3:08 am #6585
I will try and keep this simple but I’ll try and get across the whole situation I’m in at the moment.
I’m a 26 year old guy and broke up with my ex of 3 years earlier this year. The break up was hurtful and for several months after I wanted my own time to deal with it. Even 6 months later, although I was over the situation there were still times I was dwelling on the past and even at times hoping I would reconcile with my ex.
However one night out, i met a girl who was working behind a bar of a club I was out in. As soon as I set eyes on her there was something about her that attracted me. Not just her looks but the way she seemed to come across. Even across the bar we seemed to connect well. Later on that night, after some Dutch courage I managed to get her number. I didn’t think I stood a chance as girls behind the bar always get a lot of attention, most probably unwanted. However, she gave me her number, not expecting me to follow it up once the night was over.
I did however. For the next 4 or 5 weeks we spoke over text. Not everyday but here and there. She told me very early on she was 19 and studying at university along side working the bar. She studies in her hometown so distance is no issue.
After the 4 or 5 weeks of texting we went out for the “1st date”! It went very well. We must have been together for 6 or 7 hours. No awkward silences and we seemed to get on well. We kissed on the first night twice and when I asked if she wants to see me again she said yes and even had me take her home to her front door which to me isn’t a sign of someone not wanting to see you again.
On the first date, she made it clear that she had been involved with a guy her own age for 18 months on and off. He apparently had messed her about but she kept on having an attraction to him. Even on our date she said that only a few days before he had been telling her he wanted her back and that things were going to be different this time. But she told me enough was enough as far as she was concerned.
So after the date, we spoke over text again and I even gave her a lift to an appointment she had that afternoon. Looking back it was probably a mistake to see her again too soon. But I wanted to be helpful and I was in town at the right time.
Basically within a few days, we continued to speak over text message. Then all of a sudden it’s as though the spark and flirtation we had had gone. She became quite distant with me. I played things cool and left her to it for a few days. The following week I went to see her as a surprise as it was christmas with a card to say I really enjoyed the first date and it would be great to go out again soon.
She seemed to like the fact I had done that and she apologised for being a bit quiet but she apparently had been having “a bad week with the ex”.
That was last week, we spoke briefly over christmas and today i got in touch with her to see if she fancied going out next week again. She replied by saying that she has just “come out of a bad relationship” and that she she still hasn’t discovered herself again let alone someone else. She said that I seem a really nice guy and she doesn’t want to hurt me. She wants to stay single for a while with no one to answer to so she can get her ex relationship out of her system. She did say that we should remain friends.
I can completely understand where she is coming from. But at the same time I’m not looking to rush things either. I’m not looking to jump into something with someone especially as I could end up being their “rebound”. I respect her for being honest and sincere as I know there are a lot of people out there who jump into something with someone as the opportunity is there if they can get something out of it. So in that respect it’s nice to know she is a genuine person.
However, I do really like her. It takes a lot for me to be attracted to someone in this way. We definitely had the chemistry when we were out together. If it had been a nightmare then obviously both parties move on. But we were both in agreement we should go out again. But something changed. I probably have spoken to her too much in the time since we first went out 2 weeks ago. I know there is a fine line between letting someone know your interested and coming on too strong.
I know even at the best of times a lot of 19 year olds, however mature they seem probably don’t know what they want from one day to the next. This is probably magnified due to the ex situation. But I’ve already decided I want to stick around for her, give her time to find herself again but I want to be on the scene when she does feel ready to give someone a chance. I know I have more to offer than what she has seen so far. But how can i show that overtime of she isn’t up for coming out with me for a while, even as friends? Obviously i can’t and won’t be in her face all the time. But I intended on getting in touch every now and then so she knows she is on my mind. But I know it’s something that I can’t rush, push or overdo.
I know some will say don’t wait for anyone, but as I’ve already said, I think she is worth it and maybe more importantly I think over time she can gain trust and confidence in me that I’m worth a chance. Again, I’ve already said I’m not looking to rush into anything, so I’m not losing anything by giving her time to let me into her life.
I do honestly feel she is a very straight taking girl and if I had no chance what so ever she would tell me. I’m just unsure as to how to go about being there without suffocating someone but at the same time making it clear you haven’t forgotten about them. I’ve always believed if you want something good then you have to work at something and not just give in. It’s not like she has told me to leave her alone and not speak to her again. That would be a different matter. But I would happily wait for her if there was even a slight chance that a few months down the line we could be spending more time together.
I maybe reading too much into things, it’s only 2 weeks since we went on our date so even a month from now if I was to ask her out again her answer maybe different. Either way, I think she is worth fighting for. I know I can’t expect too much and I could end up getting nowhere with this, but I think she is worth the risk.
Thanks for reading my essay! Any thoughts, advice and considerations are much appreciated.
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