How to deal with a lying bf?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  pixiep 5 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #6821

    Ksenia
    Participant

    Well, to start off, I’ve recently found out that when our relationship was in the beggining stages, (1 year after we met, but after we were officially in a relationship) my boyfriend was talking to his friend (who he claimed was like a sister to him) about how he’s only “maybe” found someone, and that he would like her to come visit him and go for drinks and then he’d like to take her home with him. He also mentioned that he’d have to be and blind not to find her attractive. This seems rather unsisterly to me. I’ve asked him many times about this person and he always claimed that there was nothing to worry about. I’ve only found out about THIS yesterday. So I’m still processing it. It’s upsetting even though this was almost 2 years ago. We’ve been officially together for over 2 years now, and we live together.

    He has a problem with addiction. He can’t stop watching it on a regular basis despite the fact that we had a healthy life to help hm deal with it. I asked him to stop a few times, even said I would leave if he doesn’t stop, and stopped watching it online, but I’ve recently caught him watching it again because he had hidden files downloaded on his computer of about 30 videos or so. He has now deleted them and says it was a relapse and because he knew he had them. He says he will be able to stop now that they are gone.

    He also has a problem with being honest and not talking to s online. This happened quite a few times. year ago we almost broke up because he was unhappy in the relationship because i was pushing him to make some progress with his life, so he started talking to some girl online who he refused to stop talking to. I knew something was going on there that wasn’t platonic, and after a week of not talking and me convincing him to give her up and try to work on our relationship, he confessed that he concidered leaving because she was more ually open to things he liked and she liked to have all the time. (they never slept together, just talked online, she was in a different country) We met online also, so I knew there was a chance he would try to make another online relationship work.

    This problem resurfaces all the time, just when i think we’re okay, I find something new. He told me he got rid of his ex, and then I found out she was still on his msn because she “readded him”. I doubt this because she dumped him and didnt even want to talk to him afterwards. He kept his profile on the site where we met and looked through other womens pictures, and when I told him it bothers me that he’s still keeping it he said its nothing to worry about. Then I found out some girl messaged him and he said he wont talk to her, but then the next day I find out that he did even thuough he said he wouldnt.

    I was extremely upset, and to placate me he got rid of that website.

    I’ve given him a chance this morning to come clean about anything else he’s been hiding from me, and he said there is nothing else. I asked him to get rid of that girl that he claimed was like his sister, because he still talks to her, and although he is no longer hiding that he is in a relationship, there is still flirting.

    When I asked him to also remove her from facebook, he logged on there. I asked him to open his private messages and he refused, because once again he was hiding something. He got very upset and said he doesnt want to drag up any more problems. I demanded he tell me what else he was hiding, and after some yelling and crying, and me packing a bag of clothes to leave he told me he messaged a girl he used to play xbox with who found him on facebook, who he has previously blocked and stopped contact with because we had previously had the same problem with her as all his other online s. He becomes very easily invested and emotionaly attached to other women and starts to develop non-platonic relationships with them whenever he is unhappy or frustrated, or even bored. Turns out some time after he told me he got rid of her, he found her again, unblocked her, and messaged him to play with him again. She never replied, so he blocked her again but forgot to delete the msg he send in his inbox.

    We’ve had a huge fight about everything. There has never been an issue with me doing anything like this, its always him. I feel like our relationship is not worth saving in his eyes, even though he claims he loves me and doesnt want to lose me.
    He begged me to give him one more week to try and make things right. I told him i would not because he has said he would stop all this before, and even the threat of me leaving him was not enough. He doesnt think things through. Although he has never actually gone out and cheated on me, its still very upsetting that he keeps doing these thinsg he knows will hurt me and make me want to leave him.
    I agreed to give him one more week to prove to me this is worth something. Since our relationship is clearly not something he thinks about losing when hes ing around on the internet, and I asked his to sign an agreement that states that if he messes up again, I will get his computer. I dont know if the idea of losing an actual physical item will make him actually think before he does something next time. And yes, I know its sad to put the value of a computer over a relationship but I dont know what else to do. I’ve invested so much into making this work I feel like losing it would feel like having the ground pulled out from under me.

    #48633

    pixiep
    Participant

    Leave him . Even i fail to understand why guys are addicted to it. (And i mean no offense dudes.)
    He shouldn’t be overly interested in it if he is in a relationship.
    As for the non- platonic relations , its downright unacceptable. Give him one last solid chance ( if u really want to stick it out) . After that . if u want to be sane, leave him asap.

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