Husband depresses- what to do?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  ctwith3 5 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #6973

    ctwith3
    Participant

    My husband’s 50 years old, he was a very bright man with many degrees who seemed like he could do anything. He taught 3 years in Middle School, and13 years High School. He was born blind in 1 eye, with 2 crossed eyes. From 2 to 18 he had 4 surgeries to straighten his turned eye. His father walked out when he was and his parents divorced, his father completely disappeared, and started another family. His father showed up again when he was 17, and they sent him to live with his father because they didn’t know what to do with him. He had a bad relationship with his stepfather who was very strict, overkill with punishments, and hit him and his brother with a strap. My husband said he was getting punished and hit for fighting in school with kids who made fun of his eyes. His stepfather was a braggart who poisoned everyone around him with a negative attitude. His stepfather and his older brother about belittled him about his eyes to “toughen him up.” His stepfather probably thought he had the right because he sent my husband to all the best Opthalmologists, who all said the same thing- his blind eye could not be “fixed,” and to just take good care of and protect his good eye. At home, his brother was more than making him tough- he even practiced ual activities with my husband against his will.
    At 40 he had laser treatment for Glaucoma in both eyes- he had bad reactions to all the eye drops. He now has normal tension Glaucoma in both eyes, and has lost peripheral vision in what was his one good eye.
    Five years ago he chose to see a psychiatrist for depression- he tried to commit suicide 2 times in his 20’s. He’s been on countless prescriptions since then- many at the same time, He has good and bad days- and he can be really moody. He has Asthma and Hypotension, and can forget medication, and then the whole family worries about Dad. Our 3 young children know he has severe major depression, and Anxiety disorders. I’m afraid of the negative effect on our children. When we go out the first thing the kids ask is if Dad is coming. He sits in his chair watching TV, reading magazines and surfing the Internet. August we went to see my friend in NC and take the kids to see Colonial Williamsburg. He followed us on his Harley Davidson and the kids commented that when they were riding with my husband he was smiling talking to them, and said “Dad is having fun.” 5 minutes after we returned he had a minor stroke. His speech is slower, he has a minor slur sometimes, his short-term memory suffers and he has problems finding the right words, so he is even more withdrawn. He says he gets headaches and pains, but his brain is normal.
    I feel so alone, and I’m worried about the effects on the kids. I feel like I have to carry a lot of the weight and can’t understand why this has to continue. Am I being too needy? I saw a psychologist to get an idea of what he is going through, but maybe only learned a little. Can’t he handle more? I see him stumble because of his medications and vision, and when I tell him to see anther doctor he says I’ve been to so many doctors, they all tell me the same thing- I know what I need to do. He sees his psychiatrist at least every other week, but he’s not making it easier on me. Am I being an insensitive self-centered person? He says I don’t try anymore so how can he be closer to me? Intimacy doesn’t exist, and he says it’s because I choose to sit in my chair on the other side of the room.

    #48693

    Rich
    Participant

    Lots of issues here and quite honestly we’re not equipped to help you. You both need professional couples counseling.

    To give a different perspective, look at your husband as if he was a car that you had purchased many years ago. You did not buy a brand new spanking car, out of the showroom with no issues. You actually bought a car that was used (although you thought it was newer) and that had some engine and body defects.

    The body defects are the issues with the eyes and the engine defects are all of the emotional issues that your husband suffered while growing up.

    You accepted those defects as the car gave you what you were looking for at that time. What has happened over time is that the car has really gone down hill fast, is not fun to drive and takes A LOT of TLC just to get it to do the most basic things that you need for it to do. It’s not fun to drive anymore and you look at it like it’s a pain in the as*.

    Sound like an accurate description of what’s happening?

    I know the easy answer is to say that LOVE accepts all and that you promised better or for worse, till death do you part. But is that how life is supposed to be lived? Is one to live an unhappy life because of a partner and stay that way without ever changing?

    I don’t have that answer because everyone is entiltled to their own opinion and no ones opinion is more right then anyone elses.

    You have to do what’s right in your heart. You have to live your truth. Why are you here on earth? Was this (taking care of your husband) your souls purpose in this lifetime?

    Who knows. You have to live your truth in this lifetime.

    I’m not a medium and I’m not selling anything, but I would suggest to find a really good (and I mean really good) angel medium and talk to your guardian angels about your life. What is going on. Why your here. What your soul purpose is? And get some answers.

    Trust me, they do exist and you have angels watching over you that can guide you and give guidance to you.

    You will know when you find a good angel medium (someone that can talk to the angels) because what they say will resonate as the “truth” within you. You’ll just know that what they’re saying is right.

    So my opinion is that before you make any judgements about your husband and marraige, that you consult an angel medium. Unfortunately there’s a cost for angel mediums.

    Like anything in life, the people who are good at their craft are in high demand and the cost is a bit higher. So when looking for a good angel medium be prepared to spend from 150 to 400 bucks depending. Unless you come across (word of mouth) an angel medium who is just starting out and hasn’t built a clientel base yet. They can be good and they’re cheaper, but as they continue their price goes up because they are in high demand.

    Again, I don’t do mediumship as a job and I’m not recommending any one medium for you to go to. You can search the web to find one yourself and they do work over the phone so it doesn’t need to be in person, or someone close to where you live.

    There are answers that you can get from your angels who have only your greatest life’s/soul purpose in their view.

    I wish you luck

    #48694

    ctwith3
    Participant

    Thankfully things have gotten alot better. He went cold turkey on a major med which was helpful but the downside hurt me and the kids. He endured the withdrawal for a month and that med was replaced with a different one that doesn’t work as well, but helps. He’s more with us and participating in things with us. They believe him to have Parkinson’s but there is no test, they treat the symptoms. He is getting therapy for mobility, memory, balance, and help for thinking and solving problems. He still forgets the day and date, and gets a little lost, but his personality is significantly better. The kids are happy to have him back and he is building better relationships with them. I know he is internalizing a lot so I got him a heavy bag to work it out, and it is also becoming common therapy for Parkinson’s patients. I’m glad I stayed, our relationship is almost back to how it was when we started.

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