December 30 at 11:43 pm #6500
So here is my situation:
I met this guy in the summer (friend of a friend’s boyfriend), and we really hit it off right away. He is the type of guy who sleeps with a lot of girls and does not care about them. He is the free spirit, snowboarder, bad boy type. Anyway, the night I met him he mentioned that he was moving (indefinitely) across the world in a few months for an adventure, and that he had already got his VISA. I thought nothing of it, as I was only looking for a good time, and was sure, knowing myself, that I wouldn’t develop any real feelings for him anyway.
I am the type of person who never really falls hard for a guy (I am in my mid 20’s and have dated numerous guys, even a very long term relationship 2+ years in which I had very mediocre feelings).
So we ended up dating. He was great to me and we had such a great time together. I am not the type of girl who sleeps with random guys (only slept with a couple people in my life), and he understood that and didn’t pressure me at all to have until I was ready (all the while I am hearing stories from him and his friends about girls he f-ed and chucked, and girls he used for , etc before me). As he learned more about me he told me that I was the smartest person he knew, that i was amazing, and that he respected me very much. He told me that he would love to hang out with me for the rest of the time he was here, but that he WAS leaving in a couple months.
Sounds like this relationship is headed down a good road huh? It seems not. As the date of his departure came nearer he did not make any efforts to slow the relationship down. We saw each other about 4-5 times a week, he cancelled plans around me, and he made every effort to include me in his life… even introducing me to all of his closest friends, his parents, and inviting me over for thanksgiving dinner 3 days before he was set to leave forever.
We never talked about what would happen when he left. Never. We only dated for about 4 months before he left, and we were not even technically bf/gf. We lived in a fairytale land where we pretended that he wasn’t leaving.
One day, about a week before he left, I broke the silence. I asked him if he had any idea when he would be back. His answer surprised me. He said he had no idea, but didn’t know if he ever wanted to live here long term. He said he had lots of traveling left he wanted to do before he started real life, and that, although he would visit this place from time to time (upon the end of his adventure) because his parents live here…he didnt see himself living here year round. He then went on to say that all of his highschool friends seem to be getting serious with their GF’s and that, after this summer, there is no real reason to come back.
This last sentence really hurt my feelings. I thought, by the way he was treating me and the time we spent together, that he would consider ME a good reason to return to the city.
Anyways, I told him how I felt: that I thought I needed to end it now. That I was getting way too attached to him and that obviously he was not as attached to me. He didnt really argue that point, but did say that he still really did want to hang out with me until he leaves. I agreed. We hung out for one more blissful week and then he left. I cried in front of him when he was leaving, and he felt really bad, but made no indication that he was going to be making any of his decisions while away based on me.
He has been gone for almost 3 months now. He has no phone and no internet connection. We still exchange facebook msgs (couple paragraphs each) every couple days and he sent me a surprise birthday present from across the world that was very expensive, and something that I had said I wanted in passing months ago (his friend. My friend’s boyfriend informed me that he never does that for girls). He has said that he missed me, and talked about specific times we have had together that he would like to repeat (non-ual). I have not really said anything along the lines of miss you to him since he left.
My question to you folks is WHAT SHOULD I DO. This online chatting is keeping me very emotionally attached to him. I just can’t seem to move on, and I really think I was falling in love with him for the first time in my life befoe he left. I think about him all day everyday, and I read every msg he sends me for hidden meanings and hints of interest. He says he misses me, but then still gives no hint to when he may come home. If he really cared about me would he give up a once in a lifetime trip/travel/adventure opportunity like this (I don’t think I would which is why I understand), but it still makes me feel like he just isnt that into me.
I don’t know what to do. Do you think he’s interested in me long term? Do you think I should confront him about the situation? Do you think I should just cut off all contact with him? Do you think he is just stringing me along so he can have a f buddy if he ever decides to return? Do you think he is only talking to me b/c he feels bad for hurting me?
Any advice will help
Thank you so much
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