January 25 at 7:57 pm #6647
I don’t really know how to start this, so I guess I’ll just jump right into it.
1 1/2 year I broke up with a man I had been in a relationship with for just over a year, and it’s just recently come back to bite me in the butt, and I don’t know what on earth to do.
I have major issues with commitment. I don’t love people and I don’t trust people. Ever. And this guy was the exception to the rule, which is why I think the whole thing hurts so much. I feel stupid and weak for letting my guard down, and I’m so incredibly mad at him, because I somehow feel like he tricked me. It’s really hard to explain. But I recently came into contact with him again, because I found something of his in my flat, that I know meant a lot to him, and I wanted to return it to him. As he lives quite far away, I had to send it to him. We somehow started talking a bit again, and he was so incredibly distant and cold with that I simply just snapped. When we first broke up he was cold, distant and acted like I was the most disgusting thing he had ever had the misfortune to meet. This started literally days after the break-up. And I can understand that, to a certain degree, as we had just broken up. Now, however, 1 ½ years later, I do not understand it. And that just triggered all the hurt and pain from a year ago.
I should probably add that I have some issues with controlling my impulses as well, and this resulted in many idiotic things being said. Or I don’t know if they were really idiotic, it’s what I felt, and still feel, but I should perhaps have done things a bit differently. I’m pretty sure we wont really talk again.
But my main problem right now is that I just cant get rid off all these feelings. I feel angry, then sad, then angry again, vengeful. It’s just so incredibly annoying, I just want to forget him as easily as he forgot me, but it seems to be impossible. I have all these conflicting feelings, but I’m scared to tell him anything else. I have so many things I want to say to him, but it all comes out so wrong when I try to write stuff to him, and I cant actually sit down and talk with him as he has a new girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure she’d disapprove.
I don’t know If I’ll get over this without telling him about all the things I feel, but I don’t know how to tell him. And I cant really talk to anyone else about this, as I cant bring myself to admitting to having ever had feelings as strong as that for anyone. I would just like to know what you think I should do here, because I feel so at a loss.
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