February 6 at 8:10 pm #6662
This may seem like a ramble but im trying to fit a lot of thoughts into one post. I’m stressed out!
The basic gist of it is I don’t feel like I mean as much to my girlfriend as she means to me.
For starters, we live together, been together about 8 months and moved in 2 months ago.
My biggest problem is she isn’t affectionate enough to make me feel like I’m special to her. I am sweet and caring to her and always have been. But she
seems to make little effort to show it back. She doesn’t text or say I love you or I miss you that much. She does text
when she can but that isn’t often due to work (My friend told me that if she wanted to she would make time for me though).
I used to text I love you and I miss you a lot, and she would most of the time say it back, but then eventually she stopped saying it back,
saying it’s because she was working when she saw it and couldn’t respond right away and when she eventually replied she didn’t think
about responding to the i love you/i miss you but just wanted to talk to me while she had a chance. Which I can buy that, except she went out of town
a couple weekends ago and I made a point to say it a few different times and she didn’t respond to any of them the whole time she was gone. That hurt.
At home, she never just says “i love you”, unless she is about to leave or im about to leave. I do though, if im cuddling with her or something I just feel it and say it, but i have decreased the amount
I say it the last month or so becuase she doesn’t say it unless we are about to be away from each other, so I don’t want to be the only one that says it in that manner.
And it’s not like I said it every hour or anything either, I would just say it a couple times a day when we were together.
She doesn’t reach out for me either. Like I’m driving us somewhere I’ll reach out and put my hand on her leg in hopes that she would reach out and put
her hand on mine but she doesnt. Or if I lay down in bed and roll over to put my arm around her and hold her she doesn’t touch me back, like to reciprocate the cuddling.
When we are on the couch she does put her legs on me or will rub her toes on my foot. She does touch me with her feet a lot, lol, but not much with her hands.
She also doesn’t initiate any kissing, when we kiss it’s because I leaned in for a kiss and she always kisses me back but sometimes I feel like she is just being polite.
She likes with me, we had a lot in the first month and then it backed off and it was only once a week or so, then recently she has been wanting a lot more
and makes the effort to iniate it.
It wasn’t always like this. At first she was very affectionate, for the first month or so, then it backed off. I didn’t know how to take that so I brought it up and she said
she didn’t notice that she was acting different. She did always want me to come over, and even if I said I couldn’t or that I would later she would text me and tell me that she missed
me and wished I was there. Then I would come over and she wouldn’t even get off the couch to come hug me or kiss me, she always waited for me to come to her.
The last time she really made me feel loved was after xmas i was dropping my kids off at their mom’s and she was texting me to come home as soon as I can because she misses me, and she said
she’s sorry she doesn’t tell me she loves me as much as she should, but she loves me so much and can’t wait to hold me when I get there, then I came home and she just held me as we watched shows…it was so nice. She has said a couple times I’m more than she deserves.
She’s also talked about getting married, and I know the last couple of guys she was with she wanted to marry them too but it didn’t work out, so I have been kind of taking that with a grain of salt.
One time though she said she has never been happier and wants to devote her life to me, that was convincing to me at the time.
Every time I try to bring up the fact that I don’t feel like I’m as important to her as I should feel or that I don’t think I’m getting the affection i want, she gets angry.
She says things like “I don’t know what more you want me to do”, or “I love you, I am happy with you, I’m here aren’t I?” , or “What am I doing that makes you feel so unloved?”
but she will say it very accusitory and then I feel guilty for bringing it up. The other day I brought it up because she had met a guy at the buisness trip she was on. She exchanged numbers
with him and he was texting her at night when she came home “are you home yet” “I look forward to getting to know you better”, and although none of the text she sent him were suggestive or gave hint
that she was interested, his to her were, and she wasn’t shutting him down. I asked her why and she said “I don’t know, we were paired up at the training session and a lot of us at the thing exchanged numbers
because of the nature of our work, I didn’t have time to talk to anyone about personal stuff” so I asked if this guy knew she had a boyfriend and she said “There was never any talk of that, but I sent
him to my facebook page so he will know” and I told her that based on the texts, this guy was in to her and she should let him know she has a boyfriend and she said “I don’t think it’s like that, I don’t
want to assume that and come off as rude” Then a couple nights later he texted her and said “Im sorry I didn’t mean to get the wrong idea, I didn’t know you had a man”, and she said “no need to be sorry, it’s not like
we had time to talk about anything other than work” and he said “true, I still think youre awesome though” and she responded “Thanks, our company is going to new york in april, if you are going too we can hang out”
So when I saw this I got really upset when i read this that confirmed he was interested in her and she didn’t shut it down. She said “talking about new york was just my way of changing the subject”.
I was a pretty big jerk about the whole thing, I wasn’t as tactful as I could have been because my friend got me all flustered about it and i had had a few beers, anyway. Later on, She talked to her guy friend
that night. A long time friend from school who she lost touch with and reconnected. I was in bed but i saw the text in the morning and she said “My bf is mad at me, he thinks im not happy with him and I just don’t get it”
Then he said to call her so they talked on the phone for a bit, and later she texted “Venting feels amazing!” NOW DON’T GET THIS WRONG…I do NOT think she is cheating. I have known her a long time and know that she is capable of having male friends that are just friends, and nothing
she has sent anyone else has suggested to me that she is wanting anything more than friends…I don’t want this post to fall in to a “is she cheating on me” thing.
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