I’m feeling Smothered and I need help.

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    Jessicajo
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    Let’s start with the basics. I’m an 18-year-old girl and my boyfriend is 25 years old. I moved in with him almost a year ago. Last thursday, it was Thanksgiving in the U.S and since my parents live 3 hours away from me now, I asked if they could stay overnight on Thanksgiving and my boyfriend just about threw a complete fit over it and he stated that he did not like the idea at all. He’s very paranoid that someone is going to steal his stuff. I reassured him that they would do no such thing and then he complained to his mother (who said my parents could spend the night) that my parents and little brothers might break their television.

    It was no surprise that I was in tears by now. My feelings were shattered and I felt like crap to say the least. A couple hours passed and then he apologized for his actions and he was fine with them spending the night. So, that day came and my family arrived, bringing cakes and a turkey for everyone to enjoy. My boyfriend’s mother didn’t feel so good so she spent her time in her bedroom and his father was outside talking with my dad and my boyfriend’s brother.

    My mom, two little brothers, my boyfriend and I ate at the table. We talked a little while, but was mostly concentrating on our food until my boyfriend’s brother came inside to eat. Then, we were talking and laughing and having a good time. Long story short, the day and night on Thanksgiving was just fine. It all went to crap when I had the bright idea to stay up late and my boyfriend did the same thing with me.

    The next morning, still having had no sleep, he and I went into the living room where my family were sleeping and decided to sit down and look at the papers for Black Friday because we had plans to go to Walmart this morning. We sat there looking at the stuff in the paper and seeing what all we would want. Then, my dad woke up and so did one of my little brothers. So, I go sit beside my dad on the couch and ask him about when we were going to Walmart.

    My boyfriend is obviously mad and/or upset about something and leaves them room and I follow him and ask him what’s wrong and he says that he’s going to lay down for a bit. I said “ok” and left him to sleep since he’d left no room for me on the bed anyway. I went back into the living room to talk to my family as they all began to wake up.

    …. fast forward to when everyone is awake….

    My boyfriend wakes up and is pretty angry. He starts cleaning everything up in a frenzy in the living room and said, “Wake your mom up. Thanksgiving is over. I think they should go now.” and I’m confused as to what’s going on and he’s like “I’m not going with you and your family. I need to stay here and clean things up.” So I help him clean and then his parents wake up and they’re going to go also. But my boyfriend keeps repeating that he’s just going to stay home.

    I start feeling like crap again and I went into the bedroom and cried. Then I over heard my boyfriend talking about my family to his mom saying that they’re lazy and that they didn’t help clean anything up. It was only 8 in the morning and his parents weren’t even awake yet. My dad had gone outside to smoke and he’s got a bad back, he uses a walking cane to walk and can’t bend over. My mom was still sleeping.

    My mom came inside to see if I was ok and sat on the couch with me in the living room and my boyfriend’s mom was asking if I was okay and scolding my boyfriend for being so rude. Then he continued to call my brothers retarded and my dad a lazy eyed freak. My mom just sat there beside me and rubbed my back.. later I found out that he had hurt her feelings.

    When we were getting ready to go and my boyfriend was convinced to go by my boyfriend, I wanted to ride with my family to walmart and he had asked me which vehicle I was going to ride in and when I said with my parents… he got really angry and said, “Yeah, and you can just get your shit and go on home with him then.” and so I got in the vehicle with him and he continued to call me names and my family names. When I tried to talk to him he said, ” you, don’t talk to me.”

    His mother had told me that he was just jealous that I was spending time with my parents and not him. Which I was spending more time with him than I got to spend with my parents for the short amount of time he was there. Later, he had apologized though and he felt badly for it… but it seems to happen a lot.

    I’m just beginning to feel very smothered and controlled. I can barely even come to my computer by myself. He used to make me stay in the bedroom with him while he slept until he woke up. When he’s awake, I can’t be out of his sight. When I’m gone too long, he’s asking me what I’m doing and where I’m going when I get up even to just go to the bathroom. I feel as if I’m constantly on my toes around him. One false move will have him in an uproar of some sort.

    I love my boyfriend so very much. I even thought about marrying him. I’m hoping he will change as he gets older. I will admit though, I’ve fantasized about being single and being able to do whatever I want and whenever I want. Also, just being able to see my family without him going off has been a fantasy of mine. The thought of leaving him hurts me so much. He’s the first boyfriend I’ve ever had and I’m his first girlfriend. I need some advice with how to deal with this situation and how I could make this better.

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