January 10 at 4:41 pm #6609
hello, thanks for reading. be forewarned its going to be long with lots of details. ANY type of advise would be good.
I started dating Z back in June. We met on a dating website. He and I hit it off fast. He was very different from me in the sense that he seemed less emotional, more logical, a little immature but very appealing. At the time Z had a steady good paying retail job at a local grocery store and lived in the downtown city not to far from my place renting a room with 8 other people in a big house. After a couple weeks of dating he started staying over very often and eventually decided he wanted to move out closer to my area and started job hunting close to where i live. He was always complaining about his current job and how his managers were writing him up and not respecting him, etc but they pay was good so he stayed. When he started looking for a new job he found a opportunity with a debt collection agency and took it and quit his old job rightaway. Didn’t even put in his 2 weeks. The debt collection thing ended up being a scam, they never called back after “hiring” him and stopped answering his calls. It seemed to be legit at the time but i guess it wasn’t. Anyway he then freaked out being jobless and started looking for new ones right away but didn’t find one. He stayed over at my place all the time and brought all his stuff over (desktop computer, clothes etc) and started telling me about how he didn’t know how he was going to pay rent, and he had no savings etc. After about a month of that I felt that he was giving me signs he wanted to move in. I really really had fallen hard and against my better judgment i asked if he would like to move in so it would be easier to find a job out here. He said he would love to and the process was quick and went really well.
In the next 2 months lots of crazy stuff happened. Z lost his wallet with all his id and his SS card in it. He got three tickets amounting to 1,000, one where he actually had to get his license reinstated and one for speeding. He rear ended someone a little bit after that (no damage was done to the other persons car so nothing was filed) and totaled the front of his car basically to the point where it wouldnt pass inspection in our state. We couldn’t tag it or drive it plus he lost his license and had those tickets and THEN i lost his only set of keys so we had no way to start the car. So we sold the car to some guy who hot wired it and paid us 400 bucks. (the car was a crappy car anyway before the wreck) Through all this i was patient. He couldn’t ever help with rent but always did the dishes, helped around the house, applied for jobs, tried to show he cared etc. He could only apply to places close to our house after selling his car and FINALLY got a call back from a fast food job close to our house (August). He took the job and actually enjoyed it even tho he was making 7.25 an hour and almost 4 dollars less than his job he had before. About 2 months later (October) he got fired for not showing up to a mandatory employee meeting he forgot about. I was mad seems how the whole time he worked there he had to save up to pay off his tickets and still wasn’t really helping with bills or rent.
So in late November he finds another job close by but not within walking or biking distance (there is not bus in my area) and its 8 dollars an hour. He has all his tickets paid off but no car. So he takes the job and now all of his money he says he has to save for a car. He drives my car to work. He has only put gas in it twice. He usually works from 7-1pm. I work at a local hotel making good money and i ALWAYS work 3-11 pm so it just so happens this schedule works with mine. Tho i hardly ever see him. At the rate he is going now he is only working 16 -24 hours a week and the rest of his time he either sleeps, eats, plays videogames of hangs out with me. I have been pushing him to find a 2nd job because making 300 every two weeks isn’t enough to save for a car and he isn’t helping with rent or bills and im getting fed up. When he moved in i wrote out how things should be paid (50/50) and it seems somthing is always going wrong in his life the prevents him from helping. He does have food stamps so he does buy a little more than half the food but thats not really enough in my opnion. He is looking for the 2nd job but not really trying because he “doesn’t have a car” and he would “be to tired”. He doesn’t qualify for a loan or to lease a car btw… we tired that. He needs about 1,500 to get a decent car off craigslist. He has about 800 now.
I feel though all of this i have driven him everywhere with little to no gas, he takes my car every morining. Im a college student full time and i work 32 hours a week. I feel like if he really wanted to pull himself up out of this rut he would work harder at finding a 2nd job and start helping with rent, bills, and get a car. I have spent the past 7 months being understanding and now im getting fed up. When i tell him that it feels like he is using me he says he isn’t. He says that he is trying but i don’t know.
Also it bothers me because he tends to talk to me about his dreams of leaving the state we live in and traveling around playing guitar for fun and he is always talking about stuff like that that never includes me. When i ask him about it he says we should just enjoy our time together and not worry about the future and i shouldn’t keep trying to plan stuff out. I would like him to tell me that he considers me in his plans and that he isn’t going to be selfish with me and forget about me since i helped him these past 7 months but he always seems reluctant to give his word. I asked him yesterday if he was committed and if he is thinking about both of us when making his decisions about the future and he says until he gets his life straight he can’t think about anyone but himself and his goals which are to get a car, get a better job and eventually get a bigger apartment with me.
I like that he wants to get a bigger place with me but i feel like out side of that i don’t know if he wants to put me in his life. I have at least one and a half years left in college and after that i would like to start a fulltime job, get married before im 30 and have children around there too. Not anywhere in the next 5 years but still things i feel its important to know if your partner wants to do. I also would like to travel but only for fun and not like he does. He wouldn’t mind being a gypsy and going from place to place.
Good news is he has a job now, he just needs a 2nd one to be able to help pay bills but first he needs a car…Is 7 months long enough to wait or should i give him more time and keep footing the bill?
Have i caught my self a user?
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.