July 18 at 2:16 am #7043
I have a situation that is bothering me tremendously.
first history. I am a married man of 16 years with two teenage children. I work out a lot and pay close attention to my health and looks. so i’m 43 but look 30. I do a sport called Kendo which is japanese fencing. it is an extremely aerobic sport.
about 7 years ago my wife started hanging out with some women that had bad relationships. they thought that she was too subservent to me. And catered to me too much. they also believed that many American men are nice and romantic in the beginning but slowly become controlling. I purposedly supported my wifes independnce. Taught her to drive and helped her pass her DL. helped her start her business. encouraged her to have friends from her home country(Japan). So she began to change. she would cook dinner for her and the kid but not for me. she even started to not have . At one point she even told me, “I don’t need you! i don’t need a man.” I backed off and and kind became like a roomate. after a year she finnally started to be intimate with me but never romantic. We stayed together for the kids. i basically went into lone mode. or doing things with just the kids or myself. she did the same. I became lonely. But we had peace in our house for 5 years.
a young girl arrived from Japan and wanted to continue Kendo here. I didn’t pay much attention to her. wasn’t physically attracted to her. my sensei asked if i could give her a ride to kendo since she lived on my way to training. i said yes. the drive was an hour to practice and an hour back. so that was 2 hours a day for 3 months we were spending together. she was very shy very quiet could barely speak english. she was only 20. and she reminded me of my wife when i first met her. I kind of a jokester and very outgoing. i’m also very sensitive to others feelings and fears. So i just wanted to make her feel comfortable. I knew she was impressed with my kendo. since i was very successful. i told her i was married with kids and worked in the hospital. but anyway she started to become more open and we were laughing and having a great time. i would notice that she would always be near during practice. in december she went home for vacation. when she came back she completely changed her look. she told me her mother noticed she changed and became more like a woman. she said it was because of soemone she met in the USA that made her feel more open and like a woman. When she came back she had stopped calling me Mr. Dave and started calling me David. i asked her did she find a boyfriend that made her feel that way. she siad no. she told me it was because of me! i was kind of shocked but i didnt think anything of it.
we continued to carpool. i began askign my wife if she wanted to do anything. and i tried to be romantic again but my wife woldnt even let me touch her.
i noticed my female friend started doing things for me. nothing big just small things like baking me desserts. i thought it was because she felt liek paying me back for driving. we soon started talking about stuff other than kendo. then after practice we were hangign out talking more to liek 2 am. i wanted to go to this luxery theater called cinopolis. but i didnt want to go alone. i asked if she wanted to go. she said sure. when i picked her up, she dressed very beautifully. i was kind of shocked cause i was dressed casual. we talked so much and had agreat time. she told her dream was to learn how to drive. i told her i could teach her. i started to teach her. we laughed till like 4 am after i took her to a big parking lot to teach her.
at this point i was teaching a lot and we were hanging alot. i asked my wife one day, do you wonder what im doing till 3 am sometimes? she replied nope. i trust you.
next i notice valentines day came up i bought her a little stuffed rabbit since she was alone. she made me and others little candy. but what i didnt notice was she wrote me a little letter. it want much just said i was the only guy to ever understand her. a month later she asked me to come over her place and hel with an english paper. i said yes . and we wworked on it till 1 am, but i stayed to 5 am. nothing happened we just had fun as usual. the next week i noticed she was becoming distant.
she started telling me her friends were agaisnt her spending so much tiem with an older married guy. but at not one tiem did i ever look at her i a romantic manner and the same with her. but i did notice we were alway stext and looking at each other.
the next week she disappered on me. i got nervous and went to see her. i akse dher what was wrong .and she burst out in tears. she cried in my arms for 15 minutes. that was the first time i ever touched her. the whole time she was saying i did to my exboyfriend! im not normal! i did all i could to calm her down. i got her to stop crying and then laughig abit then i left.
but soemthing changed in me. i couldnt get her off my mind and i was startign to hurt. she disappered again . this tiem she very distant when i went to her she cancelled eveything we planned and quit kendo. she said it was because she wanted to spend tiem with her friend.
i got confused and i told her i think i was having feelings. she told me she didnt have any feelings for em at all. she said at one point she thought if i werent married and 15 yers younger we would be together because we have a connection.
i didnt hear from her in over a week. i was starting to hurt and couldnt think about anythign but her. i went ot her place. and her roomate told me im no longer welcome.
i was then blocked to eveything on her facebook, but she still kept me as friends. she reads my messages but she wont reply. its been 3 months now. shes starting to talk to my friends but not me. she had blocked my frirends too but not delete them form friends.
i sent her a mean letter once and a mean video but i apologized.
i miss being her friend. but i know no future in it for her. i know i have to let her go. how can i get over the pain. does she hate me? i need closure.
sorry for the typos
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