Need some advice :( Forums Couples Need some advice :(

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    Hi everyone,

    I’m brand new here and just need to talk/get advice. My fiance and I have been together for over 11 years now and have lived with each other for just as long. We bought our first house of our own almost 4 years ago. We haven’t officially gotten married yet and I’m not really sure why, although I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with him. We are 10 years apart. I am 30 and he is 40. I have been with him since I was 18. I love him so, so much.

    Lately, we have been having a lot of financial stressors (had to take on a new truck payment as our old vehicle was going down the tubes) and things have just been stressful in that regard for both of us. For the entire 11.5 years we have been together, whenever we have had a fight/argument, we have always been pretty quick to resolve it and make up. We just love each other so much that we could never stand to stay mad at each other for too long. I know that lately my fiance has been under a lot of stress at work. They keep talking about closing down the hospital he has worked at for the past 6 years and we don’t know how much longer he’ll have a job since we don’t know if he’ll get laid off or not. That has been another added stressor. I work from home full-time and make good money, but we definitely need both of our incomes to make it, so we have been pretty stressed.

    Also, my fiance does have type 2 diabetes and it has not been very well managed lately. He just hasn’t been taking care of himself the way he needs to. He’s not eating right and he has told me that he has been having a lot of trouble sleeping and he doesn’t know why.

    This past Thursday, the day started like any other normal day. He texted me from work and said things were really busy and that he just wanted to say hi and tell me that he loves me. A few hours later, he texted me again and said he loved me like he ways does. (We always tell each other “I love you” multiple times a day.) Then, I just texted him a random comment saying “I wish you had this weekend off” because he has been working a lot of overtime lately and I haven’t gotten to spend much time with him and I miss him. Right after that, he responded with “Well I don’t have it off and I’ll probably work overtime this weekend.” I replied by telling him that I wish he would spend at least a little bit of time with me this weekend because I miss him and am lonely when he’s at work. He responded with “Well, get used to it. We need the cash.” He then, totally out of the blue, texted me and said “You don’t appreciate anything I do.” I have no idea where this came from! I appreciate everything he does so much! He does a lot! That night, he never came home from work. He gets out of work at 11:15 at night. I tried calling him and texting him, but no answer. I kept getting his voice mail when I called. Finally around 2 in the morning, he texted me saying that he was out for drinks with some of his coworkers. Now, let me say that he NEVER, EVER drinks. The entire 11.5 years we have been together, the most I have ever seen him drink is 2 or 3 beers at year AT MOST, and NEVER and hard liquor, so this was totally out of character for him. Plus, he had to work the next day (Friday). He finally came home around 8:30 in the next morning and said he was getting his guns and was going target shooting with some friends and told me that he’d be home between 11 and 11:30 in the morning to get ready to go to work. He looked ROUGH. He almost looked a little hungover. I have NEVER seen him like that before. Well, 11:30 came and went and he never came home. He never called or texted me either. I tried calling him, but got voice mail. His best friend (also a coworker) then called our house looking for him because he couldn’t reach him on his cell either and he had bought a coffee for him because he didn’t show up at Starbucks, where they always meet for coffee before work. I told him that I thought he was with him, but he said he hadn’t seen him at all and said he would try to go find him at work and see what’s up. He then called me back about 5-10 minutes later and said that he was at work and he looked hungover. He didn’t ask him any details about the night before.

    Well, Friday night after work, he didn’t come home AGAIN. He didn’t come home Saturday night either. I was worried sick and was crying and almost at the point of throwing up because I was so panicked. We are never away from each other like this. He has NEVER done anything like this before. He has always come straight home from work the entire 11.5 years we’ve been together and if he’s going anywhere or is going to be late getting home, he always calls me and tells me so I won’t worry. I was up again all night panicking and was on the phone with my parents because I was so worried. He finally came home around 5 in the morning on Sunday and went to bed. (He had to work this past weekend). He then got up around noon to get ready for work. He was getting ready to take a shower and I asked him if he could get me come coffee out of the pantry. He opened the pantry and some things fell out. He flipped out and said “I CAN’T STAND LIVING IN THIS PIG STY!!!” and literally thew the box of coffee on the floor. I didn’t really say anyting because I didn’t know why he was being like this. He then took his shower and seemed fine when he got out. Then, he shoved everythign that was on the kitchen island onto the floor and then picked up the trash can in the kitchen and thew it down and said he hates living like this. Yes, our house is a bit cluttered because we have been so busy working, more clutterd than it should be. I started crying and told him I was sorry and that I would clean up that day. He was just in a rage and left for work. A little while after he left, I called his cell phone in tears and told him that I’m really sorry and I love him so much and that I would work on cleaning up all the clutter. He seemed very irritated.

    Then, at 5 p.m. last evening, he texted me and said “I just wanted to say hi and I love you” and that was all I heard from him. Last night when he got out of work, I called him and asked him if he was on his way home and he said he just had to get gas. I then said “Okay, so I’ll see you in just a little bit. I love you.” After that, all he said was “yup” in this annoyed tone. He ALWAYS says I love you back. He never came home. He turned his cell phone off so I couldn’t call or text him. I was up on the phone with my parents last night crying because I don’t know why he is doing this. He has NEVER done anythign even remotely like this before.

    This afternoon while he was at work (Monday), I finally texted him and simply said “I love you.” He replied with “Why can’t you understand that I just can’t do this anymore? I have chest pain every day and all this stress is killing me. We are swamped with bills and I’m so tired of always being broke.” I then texted him and said that everything will be okay, we can get through this and told him how much I love him and how worried sick I have been about him. He then said “I need time to get my head on straight and figure out what I need to do. You need to give me that space. I will be home tomorrow morning and we can talk and then I will get some things and go” Other than that coorespondance, he has been ignornig my texts and phone calls. I can’t stop crying. We have never gone through anything like this. We have always been best friends. Sure, we’ve had our fair share of arguments, some quite heated, but we have always been able to resolve them without him taking off and not coming home. I can’t stop crying. He is my best friend and I love him to death. My parents are absolutely outraged at what he is doing to me and says it’s emotionally/mentally abusive to leave me here like this and ignore most of my calls and texts and not come home at all. I don’t want to lose him. I love him so, so much. We have barely been apart in over a decade. At the same time, I am wondering if his blood sugars are totally out of control from his diabetes, causing him to act out this way.

    I’m not religious at all and almost never pray, but I have been praying and praying to God to bring him home to me. I love and miss him so much. Our 3 dogs are so depressed because they don’t know where their daddy is and this house is so empty without him.

    Does anyone have any advice for me? I haven’t been able to sleep or eat the entire time he has been gone and I’m a wreck. 🙁

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