past boyfriends and insecurities Forums Single & Dating past boyfriends and insecurities

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    i am brand new to this site,this is my first post. i have been dating a wonderful woman for almost 4 months. we do have a 12 year age difference,i have been married and divorced once,she has never been married.
    everything has been progressing very nicely,but i am starting to notice that she might be carrying some emotional baggage from her past.
    my sweet lady,from what she has shared with me used to be quite a bit heavier. i would never have guessed that she has ever had difficulty with her weight,but she claims that until she was a senior in college such was the case.
    she has expressed that her history has been that no one ever noticed her as a person before she lost weight. now she claims that people still over look the person she is and focus only on her looks. without prying it has become very obvious that she has dated some men in the past that only cared about her physical attributes.
    we recently shared intimacy for the first time,we both throughly enjoyed the experience, but now,it seems she has become very uncomfortable if i mention how nice-y she looks,etc.any type of comment that is meant to compliment her with regards to her looks causes her to cringe. we have had a very well balanced relationship in that we spent time building a friendship prior to becoming physical. but now,now that we have actually shared intimacy,for whatever reason it seems that there is a tension in the air at times. i do beleive this lady cares for me,but my honest opinion is that now she fears i will only value her for from now on.
    i am a very patient man,but not so patient that i am willing to pay for the sins of those who have came before me forever. my x wife was very very controlling,and before we stopped having altogether,she had mastered the art of using as a reward-punishment tool. my point is that all i am seeking is a well balanced,caring,give and take lady told me today that is completely separate from what we feel for each other. i beleive that she is of the opinion that is not part of everyday life,kinda like holidays that occur from time to time. i am not sure exactly what she means ? but the last thing i wish to do is have a repeat of my marriage. honestly,i think her fears are solely from previous relationships. if anyone has any tips with regards to how i can approach this issue before it continues to grow and become a real strumbling block,then i am all ears. thanks for listening. mike

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