problem with kids Forums Engaged problem with kids

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    Hi, I’m new. This is my first post. I probably should have introduced myself first, but I thought I should just jump right in with my problem. That’s what I’m here for after all.
    A little background: my fiancé and I have been together for about two and a half years. Engaged for approximately 4 months. I love her a great deal and she loves me. When we got together, she had a daughter and I had two sons. Daughter is currently 4. Sons are 6 and 10.
    Before we started seeing eachother, I had been married for 8 years to a wonderful woman who passed away after a year and a half battle with cancer.

    So on with the problems. Her daughter is spoiled rotten. She doesn’t listen, doesn’t do what she is told. When told to go to her room she replies with a “no” or “I don’t want to”. She constantly does things she knows she isn’t supposed to do. Irritates my boys on purpose, just to get them started.
    In contrast, my boys are fairly well behaved. They aren’t perfect, they do things they aren’t supposed to some (ten to one ratio). But when told what to do, they immediately comply without question. When I tell them to “stop doing that” or “put that down” they do so. The daughter looks at me like “yeah right” and continues what she is doing.
    I try to enforce the rules, I have a problem with children who refuse to obey. My fiancé thinks I’m being mean to her daughter because she gets in trouble more often. This is due to the daughter breaking more rules. This causes endless amounts of fighting. When I try to talk to her and explain, she immediately gets defensive and starts pointing out every little thing the boys do wrong. I have tried everything I can think of. But I get fed up and decide not to deal with the daughter at all for a few days, and then my fiancé gets increasingly irate at her daughter, and everyone else to a lesser degree.
    This has been causing a fight lasting 2-5 days a week for the past few months. Well, honestly for about 6 months. She won’t discipline her daughter, and won’t allow me to do it either. We almost broke up over it once. And last week we discussed staying together, but me moving out.

    I’m concerned about the long term repercussions of her daughter and my relationship. What do I do?

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