Self-loathing after cheating

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Rawrflee 5 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #6491

    Tdotgirl
    Participant

    My bf and I were going through a very tumultuous time shortly after moving in together. We were fighting a lot, and we weren’t having very much . To make matters worse, I still had the desire (I have a high drive), but his hygiene during that time was… well, lacking. I think now that he was in the midst of a deep depression. Anyways, to make a long story short, I cheated on him. It was a one-time thing. I was very frustrated from what I felt was the breakdown of my relationship and from the lack of intimacy and the constant fighting. It was maybe a month after this that we had a knock-down, drag-out fight and I told him I thought it would be best if we saw other people. I told him I had already begun to look for someone else, I’d been so desperately unhappy. He was furious. He reacted with complete and total rage. And then he wept. He felt betrayed (and this was without the full disclosure of what had actually happened).

    Much to my surprise, this became the turning point for our relationship. It seemed to “wake” my boyfriend up. He realized that he didn’t want to lose me and had to stop taking me for granted, and became the man I had fallen in love with again – no, even better! He was considerate, kind, supportive, funny, affectionate, he went back to showering and shaving regularly and once again bothering to put on something other than just sweatpants (during the worst of it he had not shaved for two months!). For me, I had never stopped trying. If anything, I tried even more in an effort to entice him, going to the gym more often, buying lingerie, dolling myself up. What ended up happening after he became himself again is that we became close again and we recently had more in three days than we had since we had moved in together!

    So now I am faced with this unimaginable guilt. I can’t believe I did something so selfish and impulsive. At the time, in my mind it was wholly justified but now I just feel like a gigantic wh***. How do I learn to forgive myself? The guilt has been waking me up at the same time every night and I have not had a full night’s sleep in weeks. Needless to say, I have learned my lesson and I would NEVER cheat again.

    Thanks for your advice.

    #48460

    womanconfused
    Participant

    If you love him don’t tell him. You where feeling left out and needed some attention so you sort it else where. If your relationship had broken down would you feel guilty? Stop worrying get over it and pass it off as a mister meaner. You know you have done wrong and while you are with you now you will never do it again! Good luck

    #48459

    Anonymous

    Cheating only becomes a problem once the person cheated on finds out.

    The guilt of what you did is punishment enough. If things are going good now live in the moment.

    #48461

    truelove91
    Participant

    If the guilt is eating you away, and has been for some time, perhaps you should come clean? If you’re relationship is strong and loving, it will survive the truth.

    #48458

    eightball61
    Participant

    karma….cheating is only an issue when the other finds out? comeon, you have gave better advice than this BS..lol cheating generally stems from an internally issue within the relationship. so there was already an issue before she decided to open her butterfly to the world. in the sense of this a fresh start is best..in other words to much damage to repair so the BF just tell her see u next tuesday…lol

    #48462

    Rawrflee
    Participant

    Look, there is no justification for cheating. I think you know that already. Telling him now will clear your conscience but it will burden him. it will upset him and very likely destroy your relationship. The best thing you can do for both of you is to put it behind you and move on with your relationship and focus all your efforts onto him.

    You made a mistake, I hope you learned from it but there’s no need to let it ruin you both.

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