the confused liar

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    stuck in a rut
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    Hi..so my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 8 months so far. Not a huge amount of time but I feel pretty invested in him. I stayed single for about 2 years before he and I started to go out. We met on a dating site and it all went pretty fast from the get go. We fell for each other rather quick, we had an amazing connection with a lot in common. Then all of the bumps in the road started after we were both extremely attached to each other and now I am not sure where we are going or if it is even worth it anymore. So here’s how it started…we got to know each other pretty good, both looking for the same things in a relationship. A few weeks into it, we had a talk about his drinking that seemed to get more frequent and he admitted that he was an alcoholic. I later found out that he was addicted to pills also. He stressed how bad he wanted to quit and many good reasons why he wanted to and asked that I be patient with him. It was very hard..emotionally and verbally abusive at times and those time grew closer and more intense as time went on. We were breaking up and getting back together about 2 or 3 times a month…very unstable. I often question why I stuck it out. I really truly love him and so many good things about him..I guess I just feel that he is a diamond in the ruff so to speak and held on to hope. As the abuse got worse, I found myself starting to behave a lot like him…I dont think to his extreme but headed in that direction. Almost 3 months ago he went into a rehab center for a 31 days and I started to go to Alanon meetings and to a counselor for co-dependency issues. We both felt that what we had together was worth getting better for because we both deserve it. We agreed to work towards a “healthy” relationship. Well, while he was in rehab I became bubbling over with anger towards him from all of the stuff that he had said and done while he was drinking and drugging…I guess my counselor brought me to the realization of my feelings that I had pushed aside and tucked away for fear of setting him off and making him mad at me during his drinking and drugging. I started to rebel, I visited a mutual friend of ours that is a male quit frequently and how I felt at the time I was doing it was that I just wanted a mans point of view on how I was feeling. I wasnt cheating or even thinking about it but I knew that it would upset him if he knew I was going over there so I hid it from him. He got out…questions came up and I totally lied about even having anything to do with our friend for fear of a jealous rage coming out. After many fights and lots of denial I finally fessed up about spending time at his house….my boyfriend knew that there was more that I wasnt telling him and he was right. He blew up after I finally told him we were hanging out and talking and I froze up…didnt want him getting more mad so I lied some more. I have finally told him everything…and no I did not cheat or even come close to it. I just needed to vent to a male friend that I trusted. This happened to be my boyfriends best friend, and now he is convinced that I am still lying…that there is more for me to tell him and that I cheated on him. I know that it looks like it from his side but it didnt happen. I have broke his trust, and made him lose his best friend on top of that. He has been clean and sober for 98 days and I am so proud of him. But, in turn with all of the hurt, mistrust and anger he has with me he is always picking fights..almost daily. calling me a cheater and making rude comments and grinding me down emotionally and verbally because of it and says that after what I did I have it coming. After he thinks about it for a minute he tells me that it isnt fair for him to treat me that way and asks me to just give him time to heal and get over his anger and mistrust. I am wondering if it is even worth it, I know there is a really awesome, kind, loving respectful man under all of that but how patient am I supposed to be? He is going through some major lifestyle changes right now with his addictions along with what I did. Dont know what to do…

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