The Love Triangle – Being the "other guy/girl" Forums General Chat The Love Triangle – Being the "other guy/girl"

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    This is by no means a guide or manual about how to handle the situation. But hopefully, it provides you with some comfort and insight to take action on your situation so you can get the most out of your life.

    Don`t blame yourself! Or them!

    Blaming yourself doesn’t help anything. It’s a self-destructive path that doesn’t answer the root of your issue. Find yourself a supportive atmosphere and block out those who say “shame!”. We are emotional beings and we’re definitely not perfect. These things happen and usually very quickly and all it takes is for you to blink once and BAM, you’re in a love triangle. Most people who ridicule you have never been in that situation before and they really aren’t the people you should be talking to.

    Don’t blame the girl or guy that you are with either. Like I said, we don’t choose for these things to happen and to complicate our lives more than they already are. Trust me; if your relationship is based on true emotions, they are having a harder time with the whole situation! Believe it. Put yourself in their shoes. They have two people that they love deeply in their lives. They don’t want you to be that “other person” but you are because they have responsibilities and obligations to their partner. They are probably having emotions that they never thought they could have for anyone else but here you are.

    Ultimatums are NOT something you want to do and in my opinion, it’s an easy out from a complicated situation. Sure it’s one method to quickly end things so you can move on, but things like this happen and need to be dealt with delicately. As much work is needed to make a marriage work, this situation deserves the same kind of attention.

    Always take care of yourself.

    You have to remember, that no matter what, take care of your needs. If your partner truly cares about you, they will understand. Although you love this person very much and you feel like they are “the one”, you need to remember that there is a real possibility that they may not be putting your interests first. And you’ve probably already thought about this a million times and its tearing you apart inside. But it’s something you have to deal with and you need to determine if the pain and hard work is truly worth it.

    If you decide to give it a chance and your willing to roll up your sleeves, be prepared for a tough journey but always remind yourself that you come first. Not him or her. Your emotional and mental well-being should always be your priority and if the other person isn’t as understanding and open to compromise as you are, then it might be time to rethink your situation.

    Be truthful to each other, be real and work on open communication.

    Communication is critical to any relationship. Many people involved in a love triangle often think that by holding in their feelings, they are being the bigger person and taking care of the other’s needs. Whether you are the other person or the middle person, on thing is for sure, you aren’t doing anyone any favors by doing this. Being honest and able to trust another is a very important component to a relationship. Being honest about how you feel, your emotions and your needs will be crucial if you end up having a future together.

    Let`s think about it this way. Let`s say your relationship blossoms and becomes monogamous, your current actions will dictate how strong the relationship’s foundation is. If you start early by being honest, truthful and real… your relationship means that much more and is much stronger to stand the test of time.

    Keep in mind that in these situations, it’s easy for one to put on their sales pitch and be on their best behaviour. But this is not real and many decisions early on will be based on fantasy and not reality. If you are going to have a meaningful relationship with the person moving forward, it’s important that both of you are honest and treat each other with respect and dignity. But you have to stay true to who you are and take care of your own personal needs as well. No matter how much the truth hurts.

    Stay cool, don’t be demanding, avoid ultimatums and be willing to show each other that you’re both in it for the long haul. No matter what the outcome is.

    Try to reduce the “ual” stuff from the relationship.

    is amazing. It’s a wonderful thing that we can share with one another and helps us convey how we feel for another. But it’s also full of lust. can complicate things very quickly and it’s hard not to be ual. However, consider removing that variable from the equation. Will your relationship still be strong without it? Will you still have things to talk about? Will you still be able to truly appreciate each other’s company after you’ve taken that off the table? These are important questions you need to consider and talk to your partner about.

    Removing the ual component will help both of you think with clearer minds and really be able to start thinking about your situation in a different way. But in a way that will help both of you in the long run in terms of whether there is a real future together for both of you. If you determine that the relationship is solely dependent on , I recommend that you consider ending it and going separate ways. There’s a lot more to life and you deserve better.

    Think about the bigger picture!

    I`ll wrap my previous points with the last all-encompassing one. Keep the big picture in your mind at all times. If your relationship with this person is truly “it” and you have decided to commit your time, energy and heart, always think about where you two will be in 5-10 years. Forget about the walks on the beach and all the fantasy things. Keep it real and think about what your relationship will be based on.

    You will want something that is based on a solid foundation. It is only this way that you two will be able to continue and cherish what you have. Many will copout and tell you “what`s to say he/she won’t just do that to you?”. It’s a valid statement but many will use that to ridicule you and convince you to leave the situation completely. BUT, if you dedicate your time and do it right, you will take care of that concern and hopefully will never have to worry about it down the road. Because you have a solid foundation that both of you worked on built on trust and honesty.

    He/she needs to WANT to be with you but that decision isn’t yours to make. Avoid talking bad about his/her spouse because you then start treating the loving relationship like a game. A game you are trying to win. Decisions that are made because you are cornered are never good. Instead, just be you, be honest and true, talk with each other and just enjoy each other’s company. Make your needs and wants known, but be calm, cool and collected. As frustrated and upset as you are inside, remind yourself that if this thing is real, it’s just as hard or harder for the other person as well. Remember, they are not only dealing with the own situation at home, but also torn apart because of the pain they put you through and they are just as confused as you are. Have civil and intelligent conversations and open your hearts.

    Lastly, there will come a time where you will have to bow out and be the “friend”. This is important and you need to understand why it is necessary. There will come a time where he/she is ready to start to really think about their ultimate decision with clarity. You must bow out of that picture and give them the space they need to determine this. You don’t want your relationship to be based on a hasty decision or end because you pushed too aggressively. If you’ve done everything right, you’ve done all you can do. Spend some time apart; support your partner regardless of what the outcome might be. If they choose to stay in their relationship, GOOD! Just know that they have made a decision that will make them happy in the long run. Deep down inside, in all the pain you are feeling, you will have a smile knowing that they will be happy. Don’t ever forget that you are the most important thing in your life and only you can take control of it on your journey towards happiness. They are making the decision they want and you will finally have the closure you need to move on with your life with your chin up high. If they choose you, GREAT! You will now be able to start a new relationship with a solid foundation and are ready to truly explore what the future has in store for both of you.

    A word to those in the “middle”.

    Have an open mind and be very understanding. The “other guy/girl” that is in your life is feeling really frustrated and their normal judgement is going to be impaired. They may act irrationally, have outbursts and may seem demanding or smothering. Encourage an open atmosphere to allow good, meaningful conversation. Know that they, like you, are dealing with a lot of pressure and are hurt that they cannot spend their holidays with you (your birthday, valentine’s day etc.). It’s tough, but it’s understandable given the circumstances.

    Be honest with yourself and the “other person”. No matter how hurtful it is, you can’t lie to continue living your fantasy. Remember, we are dealing with other human beings and real emotions. Be fair to everyone and know that you DO need to make a decision eventually. Don’t rush the decision though, when you are ready to make it, you will. But playing it out for your own satisfaction is wrong. Wrong not only for them but your current relationship. You need to keep all of the above in mind and be open to them.

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