February 23 at 11:26 pm #6974
Alright, this is my first post, and this issue has sent me up and down and every which way.
I live in San Francisco. Last July (2011), I was on vacation in Greece, and I happened to meet this Canadian girl at a beach. She was with her friend, so I didn’t really get to talk with her but I asked the both of them if they would like to go and get drinks later that night: they accepted.
That night, I arrive at the bar and order a drink. They arrive, with My girl sober and excited to be there, and her friend was drunk. The majority of the night was the two of us talking, drinking, flirting, and having a good time. We went to another bar, where we discussed books on philosophy that she had back at the hostel she was staying at. We eventually left her friend at the bar and went to her place.
As soon as we got there, I being drunk, made a move on her, which she rejected. I might as well say that nothing happened, but we spent the next two hours talking about things. She told me she didnt have a boyfriend (a lie; it turns out she was dating a guy who didnt pay her very much attention, and continued to do so until recently), and various other things. After 2 hours, she said she had to go make sure her friend was alright, and we parted ways.
After I got home, I added her on facebook, and we began talking rather regularly. First we began just by asking questions (20 questions game) and getting to know each other; then we started talking about more personal things like our histories, families, relationships, frustrations, etc. Over the cours eof 2 months, we became rather good friends, and talked most, if not every day.
For the month of October I had opted to participate in an Outward Bound program in Florida, and as such would not have access to the internet for a month. I knew that her birthday was coming up during that time, and I asked her how she felt about my sending her a gift. She was very excited by the idea, but telling me I didn’t have to send her anything. but she gave me her address, and I drew her a picture of San FRan and the golden gate bridge, which I sent the day before I left. Up until our last conversation (all of which are through facebook, her being in Canada and not equipped with long distance plans), she was very supportive and encouraging about the whole thing.
While in florida, which was an incrediblly stressful and ultimately rewarding adventure, I had a period of 3 days where i was essentially alone by myself with my thoughts. During these 3 days I wrote her a 19 page letter detailing my experiences, frustrations, etc, and told her I was thinking about her every day and that I missed her. This letter was sent before the end of the trip
When I got back home, I saw that, in my facebook inbox, she had sent me messages like “How am I supposed to be on facebook without you!”, and a short letter saying she was anxiously awaiting my return. When we began talking again, it was as though i hadnt been gone at all, and we became even closer friends.
Since the beginning of november, we have sent each other christmas presents.
WE continue to talk frequently, most days if not every day. During this time, the idea of her coming out to visit me in San Francisco has taken shape. I made the suggestion when she said she didnt have plans for new years and I suggested she came out here–she tried but couldnt get time off work, but remained excited about the whole thing and seemed intent on making it work out in the future.
However, over new years she told me about how she had a sleepover (she says did not SLEEP with, but shared a bed with) with a guy she knows. she felt bad about the situation, as she had a boyfriend (who it turns out is rather boring and unattentive and close minded when it comes to her). Since then, she has broken up with her old boyfriend in favor of this new guy (the details of which i have heard almost everything), and is currently on a weekend retreat with him somewhere in BC. despite this new boyfriend, she still talks to me every day (or thereabouts), and assures me that she is still coming out to SF eventually (although the chances of this year/summer seem unlikely).
This whole situation is a new experience for me, and my head and heart have been twisted around in knots because of it. I like this girl A LOT, and although I can’t be 100% certain I’m sure that she likes me too, and I care about her, and she cares about me but to what extent I don’t know. as I’ve said, she’s been upfront about these relationships with guys up there, as i have with her about girls down here.
My question is: what exactly should I be expecting from this girl? She’s very supportive towards me, and there’s definitely an attraction despite the initial circumstance. I care about her a great deal and want to listen to ehr and help her figure things out but at the same time i get frustrated hearing stories about her bf and her doubts and her ex problems and its a lot to deal with. Granted, I have problems i tell her about so theres that.
Sometimes I feel like she’s stringing me along for her own benefit, and she wants to keep me vying for her attention, or something, and others I feel like we both care about each other very deeply and we’ve got a thing that hasn’t quite finished yet and everything’s great.
What do you think?
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