Was it my fault we broke up? Am I just worthless?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  wacky 5 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #6980

    catgirl69
    Participant

    Hi, sorry it’s long…barely been a 2weeks since my boyfriend dumped me…I was feeling ok with it, even a bit angry at him for treating me this way…but now I just feel like I’m not worth loving, and generally an awful person.
    Was it me? Or just him being emotionally unavailable??

    Bit of a complicated situation, we met 10 months ago on a dating website, he was just looking for , I wasn’t….our date went on for 15hours!! We clicked immediately. It was pretty much love at first sight… he wasn’t expecting to feel this way. Anway, first 4 months were spectacular, I’ve never been treated with so much love and respect…it almost scared me! lol
    He was still married but getting a divorce, and after 4 months of seeing him he found out a few things about his ex, and she was constantly asking for money and harrassing him… He withdrew into himself, withdrew from me…so of course i got needy and clingy! He almost ended it twice, but on seeing me he couldn’t do it, so i suggested we take a break from each other. We stayed apart for 5 weeks, still in contact but not too much. (sometimes he had his really black days and he would not get in touch for a day or two). When we’d arranged to meet up again, he had the intention of ending it again, but once again, couldn’t.

    i asked him if he still loved me, he said he didn’t know, and he won’t say it until he’s sure! bit of limbo for me too right now!

    He had started to sort out buying a house etc. So money was an issue, (he is self employed too) and said he couldn’t see me as often, he lives an hour away, and has a gas guzzling van. i said i could do every other weekend (he has his kids every other) but as long as he shows me he cares while we’re apart….which he did for the first 2 months.

    New year came and went, all was great. January being a bad time money wise for him, with trying to find tax money! lol
    House bought, divorce came through in january too.

    He was getting a little distant, so as i’ve learnt from previous experience with him, i gave him a bit of space…let him contact me…which he did…but it seemed a bit cold…I kept my feeelings to myself, and still tried to be the loving happy me towards him…Started to feel like i was a chore to him, instead of wanted.
    But when we got together everything was perfect again!!

    Getting to now, the last two weekends we spent together, he had to work, needed the money…so he drove to me on the evening, and i went with him to work on one of the days…all was good…but he became even more cold during the week after. I know he was very tired. he is currently working 12 hour days, and has his kids one evening a week, and was ferrying stuff trying to get ready for the house move. So again I kept my distance….it got to the point where i dreaded he texts, wondering if he was going to be loving or not. I tried to show him love, but was getting no loving response back.

    Last weekend he was moving into his new house, so caught the train and bus to him(3hrs yuk!).. he had to work, so I unpacked everything, and got him all up and running! I left on the monday morning, and all was wonderful between us. Tuesday was valentines. He said he couldn’t afford flowers and a meal, so i said i’d cook, and dont bother buying me anything (but he did) I said all i want is feel wanted and appreciated by him for i am to him…he said he could do that!

    He came up, he was tired, and looked like he didn’t want to be there, we ate and i let him have an hours kip…hoping he would perk up. he didn’t so i ended up tearfully telling him, I want quality in our contact..to feel wanted and thought of…I said one well phrased text is worth more than a hundred, saying ‘hi, how was your day?’,’yeah I’m fine thanx’,’just watching telly’…. feel more like a mate! lol … he was too tired to truly respond, he said he felt that he had to please everyone and that he felt like an entertainment machine, and he gets no time to himself. Fair enough. I did say i’d had a few sleepless nights over it(not really true, have had sleepless nights, but his coldness just made them worse)

    Anyway we went to bed, holding each other all night, he left for work really early…kissed me goodbye…later i text him to say sorry for saying what i did but needed to get it off my chest, and didn’t expect anything to change, cos I know he has a lot on, but wanted to let him know how I was feeling. his response was ‘ok’ No kisses on it nothing…. nothing after that….

    I called and left a message after 5 days, and he text back, saying he was too selfish to be in a relationship…I persuaded him to talk to me. During the call, he was sooo cold. Didn’t have anything nice to say to me, not much at all really! Last time we almost split up, he tried to make the point, that it wasn’t me, and i was amazing, this time nothing, nothing nice at all….I’ve not text him or anything, and he hasn’t either, not like last time…he tried to make sure i was ok…this time it’s like he has no care for me at all….was it me?? Am i that awful??? thank you xx

    #48697

    wacky
    Participant

    Hello. are you okay already? We have the same experience..

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