February 1 at 11:00 pm #6658
i have been w/ my boyfriend for about 16 months now and thinking back on everything, i love him SO much. he is my perfect partner, i’ve never been more in love with anyone else, i’ve never felt this way before. i’m totally committed to him, i would love to spend the rest of my life with him, get married and have a family.
i’m 25 and he is 35 and we lived together by the beach w/ his dog and i got a puppy almost a year ago now too. life was perfect – i could never have asked for anything better and he made me totally happy.
i’ve been aware that he is jealous when it comes to me talking to other guys. i would never EVER do anything wrong by him as i’m totally committed to him and our relationship and i’ve been cheated on in the past and know how much it hurts so would never do the same thing. i don’t flirt or lead other guys on or anything but he gets jealous if a guy from my past contacts me or anything like that. i’ve been aware of it (and probably ignored it) and made a note that i won’t let this ruin and take over my life and to keep an eye on it. most probably a ”red flag” that i chose to ignore.
another red flag is that when i asked him at the beginning if he takes drugs he replied yes. that he used to take a lot of drugs – mainly smoke grass. another ”red flag” as i really don’t like drugs as i only see the bad from them. but i decided to give him a chance as he didn’t do it anymore as as regularly.
all last year our relationship was great – totally amazing and the more i was w/ him, the more i realised how much i want to marry this man one day.
november last year i went out for a girls night – the first one in a long long time. i don’t really like to go out that often anymore. we had a good time. there were some travellers at the caravan park who helped pitch our tent, then we went and chatted w/ them. they knew 2 of us were w/ partners but my other friend had a good time chatting w/ them. we went out, then my single friend decided to go skinny dipping and one of the guys joined her. we didn’t want to but we wern’t going to leave a drunk girl w/ a guy she met that night alone on the beach. so we stayed w/ them to make sure they were ok. that was it.
the next day i started to tell my partner and before i could even finish the story he went off ! yelling swaring about how i just decided to go skinny dipping w/ a bunch of random guys. anyway he wouldn’t even let me explain the story to him about how i did nothing wrong and starting yelling at me just F**K OFF three times. i had no idea who this person was acting this way so i walked out and went and hid. i tried to explain in a text to him …
i came back when he was calmer and tried to explain the whole story and he cut me off all the time, raising his voice again, getting angry. he got so angry at me i was so scared. he told me to f**k off again and get out of his house and get all of my stuff GONE. i couldn’t believe it. he told me to take the dogs, he didn’t want his anymore and get out of there. i couldn’t believe who this crazy person was so i left w/ the dogs.
i cried to my parents … i don’t think he actually thought i would involve anyone else. he hurt me. he forgave me and i told him if it ever happens again i’m gone !
it happened again 2 weeks later. i hacked his fb on his phone and wrote some goofy stuff on his status. yeh i shouldn’t have done it but it was a harmless joke. he went psycho again at me so i locked myself in the bathroom and had a panic attack. i was so humilated as it was at his best mates house so him and his gf witnessed all this. i should have left then and there but it was close to xmas and i didn’t want to ruin everything. i love his family so much as well. he promised me he would get help. he went to the doctors once and was meant to go back and never did.
everything was great for a while until this weekend. it happened again… i took him away for a suprise seductive romantic weekend away and he lost it because somebody i used to know (a male) sent me a text and that was it. he thretened to bash the windows of my car if i left w/out him. he was so SO mad. i was almost going to call the police i didn’t know what to do.
i finally told my parents that it happend again (i never told anymore) and they said forget it. leave him. move on. he IS getting help this time. i’ve told his sister my concerns for him (he threatened to kill himself).
i should leave him. i know i should but i don’t want to leave his family and the memories and i feel like a failure.. i just … i miss him so much. i miss the guy i fell in love w/. i’ve gone to my parents and i’m moving out. i said i can’t be w/ him like this and that he needs help.
i’ve never told any friends of this (denial i guess … that i don’t hear what they have to say)
what would you do ? what should i do ? do you think if somebody can get councilling they can change ?
i don’t want to trow away everything, he was everything to me but i can’t be disrepected like that anymore … please help me …
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