December 3 at 8:36 pm #6732
As the title says, I feel utterly alone in my 2 year relationship.
We started off as a distant relationship, but now we live only a few minutes away from each other after I got a full time job in his state. The problem is, we very rarely have any one on one time. We see each other maybe once a week in person, and it usually involves his friends or family. He’ll invite me over to his place, but then hang out with his roommate and watch TV or play games. Now I play games too. I’m a gamer girl and will play games with him and his roommate on occasion. But I’m also a person in love and for myself I need some one on one time with my partner to get to know them more or just rekindle the love for each other.
I have tried to initiate one on one time with him by inviting him over to my place (I don’t have roommates that like to crash in on our dates), but he refuses every time saying he feels more comfortable at his house. My place is clean, closer to his work and I can cook for us here. His house is very messy (like dried cat feces left in the downstairs living-room), has some illegal stuff going on (that really bothers me) and there are always people over.
I held in my feelings for a while that I was feeling alone until I couldn’t take it anymore. I gently brought up the topic saying, “I don’t want this to get heated. I just want my feelings heard,” and continued to tell him how our relationship feels more like a friendship than a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. He didn’t say anything in return.
I told my boyfriend the next day that I feel very alone in our relationship. I tried to explain that whenever I go to his home his roommate or friends are always involved in our activities. His response was that he doesn’t feel alone in our relationship, so therefore the problem is my own deal and I should figure out how to fix the problem. And he said, “heaven forbid I include you in my life,” in regards to his friends always being over. When I mentioned I would like more one on one time with him, his response: “What, do you require no one else is around for a quarter of a mile to feel like it’s one on one time?” He then continues on accusing me of making up this feeling of being alone just to start an argument, and pretty much is making me feel guilty for even bringing up the topic because according to him, I’m “just trying to rock the boat.” I plead that I’m not making it up and that I truly feel this way, but he will only acknowledge the problem is in my head. (Is this emotional abuse?) He then later that night texts me saying he loves me very much.
I should note I do have friends in the area and I do keep myself involved in other activities, so I’m not relying on him for happiness/entertainment, etc. I mean, we only see each other once or maybe twice a week.
But I truly feel like we don’t spend enough quality time together, and it’s making me feel very romantically alone. I don’t even feel like I’m in a relationship at the moment.
What am I doing wrong? What is going on? Please help.
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