Wrecking my head over this decision!

RelationshipForums.com Forums Single & Dating Wrecking my head over this decision!

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Rich 5 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #6545

    SWIM
    Participant

    I was going out with my Ex for five years and we now have a 18month old girl together. Towards the end of our relationship I became very unhappy. I lost the trust that I had in him, and then lost any love that I had. We tried to make it work but I ended up leaving him and moving out with my baby girl around 6 months ago. We still keep in contact on a regular basis for our daughter and I recently let him stay over the Christmas period (this was so that he could be here for Santa!) We got on well although I ended up sleeping with him (accidental after a few too many drinks) I just don’t think I love him. He suggested that we started again and took things really slow. I agreed at the time (few drinks and was feeling festive) but now i feel like I have made the wrong decision. I just don’t fancy him anymore and although I love him as a person and think he is a lovely guy . . . I am no longer IN LOVE with him and I don’t want our old relationship back. I miss having someone around the house, having a family life with our baby, someone to go to theatre with and cook dinner for . . . but i don’t think that it is HIM that I miss

    The very complicated part is a second guy. I met him around 3 months ago and we have become very close friends. Speak all the time and have lovely honest deep conversations. He can make me laugh so much . . . and granted he’s not perfect, is anybody? I have always fancied the absolute pants of him but did not want to make any sort of move because I had only recently broke up with my Ex. I have found out through a friend that he has feelings for me too but didn’t want to say anything as I had only recently separated. I plan to speak to him about this but I don’t really know what to say . . .???

    It would break my Ex’s heart if I was with someone new so soon . . . and what if my new relationship doesnt work and I lose one of the best friends I have ever had. Do I owe it to my daughter to stick at the relationship with her father (even if he doesnt make me completely happy?)

    What is the general opinion?:confused:

    #48508

    Rich
    Participant

    You owe it to your daughter to be happy and provide her a secure, loving environment. don’t stay with your Ex for your daughters sake.

    The last thing that you want to do is to jump from relationship to relationship as this WILL affect your daughter.

    Take any future relationship slow and don’t let your daughter start liking all the people you meet. Meet with any guys outside of your home. Get a sitter and go out a few times first. Get to know the guy you’re dating a bit before you get your daughter involved.

    Be upfront, adult and honest with this other guy. Tell him that you’re interested in him as more then a friend and if he feels the same way, that you would like to go out with him a bit. See where it goes.

    As for the losing a best friend type of thing….that’s all BS anyway. Trust me, if you meet and marry a guy that you’re totally in love with..he should be your best friend. If you’re with the greatest guy in the world, then why do you need another “male best friend”. No husband is going to feel easy or comfortable with their wife going out with another “male best friend” if that guy is not .

    You will always have issues and fights with your husband about meeting and going out with this “best friend”. So, don’t worry that you’ll lose a best friend if the romantic relationship doesn’t work out because you will lose it anyway when you do meet another guy to be romantic with.

    Go for it with this other guy but go slow. Tell your EX that you love him, but that you’re not in love with him anymore and never will be. That the flame of attraction has gone out and is not coming back between you two.

    It is what it is.

    #48509

    Rich
    Participant

    I got censored. Should read

    No husband is going to feel easy or comfortable with their wife going out with another “male best friend” if that guy is not G*Y.

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